Gloom

As I look back and reflect on my life

I wonder…where did it all go

I have changed…in many was I have changed

For the better…or the worst

This I do not know

I try to do good…

But much bad, does come from it

I seldom go there…anymore

I watch those around me…

I do envy many of them…God help me I do

I get bored easily these days my mind tends to wonder

Yet…I have my wits about me…

I tend to disagree, just to do something…anything

I wait my turn as I always have

I want nice things…but live below poverty

I have hopes and dreams…I really do

Small things can make me happy…then again they make me cry

Pain…I am so damn tired of the pain

I feel it smothers me at times…

It leaves me to tired to fight…just to damn tired

Drugs…my life and future depends upon them

Though I wish…I didn’t;

Darkness…I feel at home in the night…the darkness

It calms me…so soothing

Though the days can be so warm…

Music…my music is sad…heart-breaking…lonely

I feel so much in the music

I am not afraid to be alone…I am afraid of being lonely

We meet many people throughout our lives

I have noticed how few friends I have…true friends

We try so hard in life to build ourselves up…

Just to have another knock you back down

I can stand alone…I just choose not too

I think too much…some will say

I laugh…as thought for me can cause great pain…

I must watch…while others raise my child…I watch her play

I feel like I’m on the outside looking in

Though they say…time is on your side

So why do we feel we are always running out of it

I know life is not easy

But why shouldn’t it be…we have earned it I think

At times it may seem like I may not be listening

But I am…I am

Problem…what I hear…I can not repeat;

A secret…

                               Taboo.