Beyond the Eclipse [pt.1]

Must I aimlessly wander
always
searching the stars, above
for some[thing]
unknown
never satisfied, the
days drag on and on
dues having been render, or
so foolishly I thought…..
 now I, find myself
wallowing
In this quagmire of self,
self -doubt self-pity self........
stuck, in this silly muck, looking,
heavenward
up, to ward those starry eyed skies above, which
Once I saw, so clearly,
a clarity almost unreal unnatural, a serenity
now obscured
By this damned dreadful film of grit
Choking wall clouds of disgust
in this city of noise, city of dirt
A place of artificial light
a million tiny little
………………particles…..
cluttering my sanity, my
visions ………..yet I have
memories, I so do
of standing
in the freezing, desert, mountain air
smoking breath, rising up
surrounded by a nothingness
A darkness a vast, blackness…out there
so still, so deep,
shattered ,only by the howling
of the wind or, that trickster …coyote
again ,no matter
or perhaps, the ghosts of my past
rising, up in the night, screaming profanities
Yet

I know it was real, it was
not a dream, these things, I heard
I felt . I tasted ,I remember, them….
,snassano