From now on I will be writing under Victoria Hardlace so look for
my erotic,
rhyming poetry under the Love section in anthologies,
magazines
and websites, also
I will begin taking yoga classes, meditating, eating healthy, cutting back on
my drinking,
smoking,
I will stop taking pills that have not been prescribed to me,
I will not dream about poppy fields where teams
of beautiful women
work the fields- my fields- while I watch over them from
some front porch,
puffing cigars, and occasionally
sticking my fingers inside some teeny opiate addict, instead I will exercise,
ride my bicycle,
go running in the mornings, lift weights
3 times
a week and think nice,
rational,
good-natured, optimistic thoughts, I will begin studying for graduate school
entrance exams, and saving up
to buy my first home, I will also get married,
impregnate The Blonde and rub her belly each night before we fall asleep
spooning, I will see a doctor about the wart on my index finger, I will go to the dentist
to have
my rotten teeth removed and implants
put in to fill the gaps, I will no longer wear clothes with cigarette burns, blood stains,
holes or hardened semen
by the zipper, I will not masturbate as if it were an essential act of staying alive, I
will control my urges,
impulses, my temper, I will not call children on the street mongoloid bastards,
I will not refer to people by crude names like
Big Titted Becky,
Jimmy the Jizz Junky,
or Long Island Linzy with the Long-Lipped Pussy (her labia measure 6 inches
a piece
when stretched), I will stop spitting on handrails and door handles, never again will I piss in the public
drinking fountain at the park or in the soap
dispensers of restrooms, I will love
my fellow man and woman and all of their children and respect their right to breathe just
as much as my own, I will attend weddings, birthday parties, celebrate holidays
around
the fireplace and sign my name to presents with a smiley face underneath, I will send flowers
to my mother on random days, I will send my father a hand-written letter
telling him he is the strongest man I have ever known, I will recognize the value of my sister’s kindness, and learn how to accept my
younger brother’s compliments (he knows), I will answer the phone when people call me and I will have long
conversations and share feelings, ask how their day was, remember the names
of their dogs and
coworkers- coworkers!- from now on I will be friendly with all of my coworkers, I
will not call them vampiric cocksuckers,
I will not say they have condom-coffee-blood breath, instead

I will leave notes of congratulations in their mailboxes when they are promoted,
I will order teddy bears for the whole f***ing office on Valentines Day,
and write a personal note for each one of my
delightful
teammates
on a heart-shaped
card, I will no longer talk down to people, no more condescension, not from sweet-as-pie,
accommodating, helpful-at-all-times John,
I will no longer curse and yell at the television or the radio, in fact,
I will no longer yell or curse at all, I will cultivate my speaking voice and I will clean up
my vocabulary,
removing terms from the inventory such as cunt-eye, cum-mouth, cock-toe, I
will not scream “God’s ever-f***ing balls!” when I become impatient or frustrated,
or punch my alarm clock in the mornings,
or hit the button marked ‘Door Close’ on elevators when I see people
running
to get in the car with me, I will help the blind cross through traffic, I will help the elderly do their grocery shopping, and I will sign up
to become a mentor to some inner-city
youth, I will organize relief funds
for victims
of natural disasters, I will help chaperone high school dances and make sure that nobody
doses the punch,
with liquid acid,
I will not allow strange legs and asses to lead me down strange streets, I will no longer
objectify the opposite sex, or shy away from handshakes, hugs, kisses hello and good bye, I will
learn to appreciate human contact on a level
outside of
bodily discharges and fluid
exchanges, I will shovel my neighbor’s driveways when it snows, and rake their lawns
in the fall, from now on
I will not search for an everyday escape hatch, or a way out, instead, I will integrate myself with the world (the whole world!), all of you mixed with all of me, I will take myself out of the center of the universe and hand space
over to somebody else, I will do all of these things, sure, just wait, you’ll see, one day, I’ll pull it all off and

you’ll never hear from me
again.