My cigarette doesn't have
that cool refreshing feeling.
An artist tells me
what my problem is.

"You need to loosen up
when you read"

He is an accomplished
writer. He Xeroxed
200 copies of his 25 page
vignette and they have been
going like hot cakes.

Most people don't know
what a hot cake is anymore.

"What's wrong with
how
I
read?"

"It sounds to mechanical.
It sounds like you're reading
a script from a hygiene film."

Sometimes it can be very hard
to take criticism, or spell it.

"I have a
lovely
speaking
voice."

I spin my notebook and watch
the trailing end of the wire catch
the ashtray.

"Look. Your stories are good.
You just have to loosen up.
Do you read this stuff before hand?"

I have never edited well.
Should I tear it all up,
bastardize it, turn it
into some exploitative little
tampon commercial?

"No. I don't"

"That's your problem."

Thank god!

"Maybe I should run
it through a
Teddy Ruxbin.
Children
love
that
shit."

"A teddy, what?"

"A Teddy
F***in
Ruxbin!"

I am screaming, I have upset
the waiter serving Bloody Marys
to a couple Honda riding cowboys.

"You know, it's this bear
that you stick
a tape in and it's
mouth
simulates
speech.
Kind of like the protesters that hang out in
front of
the
capital."

A tinny horn plays through
a karokee machine as my
mechanical voice runs on.