My Storm
How to say it?
It feels so awkward.
It feels melodramatic.
I feel I am keeping a
Dirty secret and it is
Affecting me like a dam
Raised to stop a river,
My river of words.
I have so much to say but
Unless I share my secret I
Feel I have no right to speak,
Nothing will be true .
The words are simple.
But the words sound wrong.
Perhaps I want to deny it
And words make it real.
Oh, can't I hide from this storm?
How can I hide from it
If I declare the facts?
The tidal wave of emotions
That just thinking of it brings...
Maybe, if I remain quiet
And refuse to utter them
Words won’t turn on me
When they used to be my friend.
Alas my logic then
Is as faulty as it gets.
Turning from the truth.
Only diminishes my power.
Perhaps a declaration
Is actually the next step
In gaining some of that
Strength which power gives
And I will be true again.
Maybe, if I say it
Maybe I’ll get to live.
Is it safe to say it here?
I would not care to overstep.
That’s just the problem, really
With this thing I cannot say.
To say it anywhere aggrieves.
I will just say it then.
And in telling, stand tall.
When I face the ugly truth
I can become a fighter.
I can see it through.
Deep breath…..
I need a liver transplant.
Or I will surely die.
I have two years they say.
So already I am working
To qualify for surgery
And make my body strong
So that I may be worthy
Of that new gift of life
If God should see fit
To give me this chance.
This is huge.
It is at once an act of hope
And of courage and of faith,
But all the while
Utter fear and disbelief
Drum in my heart at times
So loud I cannot think.
Now I’ve said it.
Now I am bold.
Be bolder.
That was my New Year’s Resolution
Ironic as it seems.
I chose to live a bolder life
And now this bold new
Storm has chosen me.
Kathy Adams
November 3, 2014
It’s about a month after hearing my diagnosis, which was cirrhosis of the liver, non-alcoholic, with a cancerous tumor which has been treated already. I ask not for sadness, but welcome prayers and positive thoughts, any questions are fine. This is my opportunity to be all that I can be!
I suggest that you get the best medical advice you can and go forward with whatever procedures are necessary to alleviate the problems. I'm sure you will recover and come out a better person.
Ron
Love ya!
Jane
Regis