Living...the dream
 
It's like one moment
you are living the dream...
the next

you're experiencing
broken fragments of past
which cut through your skin
piercing your heart
And entering nightmare's realm
torturing you
until
you let out
a piercing scream
 
that reaches out
into the night
as you awaken
shuddering and shaking
afraid of something
you cannot comprehend
night terrors
taunting you
the past haunting you
why can't you get past
this cycle of pain
 
You pray for daylight
where at least
you can regain
some sense of reality
though
normality is a far cry from now
you try your best to forget
but the dreams keep haunting
you
and intruding in your daytime
thoughts
 
That affect your deeds
your life
your newly planted seeds
of hope
wither and wane
and you have to start
replanting again
A never ending cycle of
hurt, betrayal and disdain
 
sometimes you wish
you would not have to awaken
because unless you were mistaken
there was a time
when life was blessed
now it seems cursed
and the crawl to the altar
to the church to the grave
it all seems too much effort
 
As you contemplate suicide
you decide
it's not worth the effort
or the mess
or the effect on others
who do love you
whether or not
you believe that love
to be true or worth the wait
As it's not your turn
to jump the queque
 
You get through
another lonely souless night
feeling sorry for your
grieving past
Only to realise that there are
people in far worse a state
that need your help
some that are close to you
And if you showed some gratitude
for your life 
 perhaps the nightmares would stop
 
Then one day
You would find yourself
not living the dream
not experiencing the nightmare realm
but facing reality
and taking each day as it comes
and goes
And God knows
maybe even
smile
once in a while
Like you used to do
 
(c) andrea jane williams -24th feb. 2009.