With earbuds in each ear,
I sway to the
harsh, dark world
of my entangled psyche,
the one that is mingled with yours
and is one with countless other bodies’ minds.
I grasp the meaning
you convey in a filter
about my temporary breakdown,
the one that shutters out
my closest friends downward,
the ones that look strangely like
a frenemy,
a complicated mix of
what I want and don’t want
to keep.
After the exhausting
thrashing of
my voices,
I calm down in
boiling water,
letting my body float
below my determination.
I reach out an assertive hand
to a former
whatever-I-want-him-to-be today,
very much expecting him
to cut me short,
shortly after I scald his
kind, gentle heart.
I reach out to a man
who could not abandon me
even in an act of abandonment
and hold his hand in the ether,
looking forward into the yet to come.