We all avoid pain. Most of us seek peace and calmness at any expense. If we believe the root of our pain cannot be fixed or it is too much trouble, then we numb ourselves. We may expend lots of energy to distract ourselves, yet be numb, and not deal with sources of our pain. We may happily numb ourselves to protect ourselves from a seemingly hopeless or difficult situation.
In the coaching process I look at all aspects of an individual’s life. Aspects like career, family, spirituality, money, health and romance are like a wheel that need to be balanced to create a fulfilling life. For many, this wheel of life is imbalanced. One may be the most spiritual person and have no relationship with money or career. One may be the most successful person and feel lonely inside. One may have lots of money and no intimacy with self or others.
How do we balance the wheel of life? We need to be honest and look at our pain points and resistances and understand how we are trying to avoid dealing with them. It does not matter who we are, we are avoiding something in our lives. We just need to be conscious, honest and be willing to challenge our numbing mechanism. At first this may be very threatening to parts of us; it is normal. We are numbing ourselves to protect ourselves and our subconscious truly believes it is life and death situation. Close relationships and intimacy are challenges to many. Many people numb themselves to avoid feeling the pain of rejection, loneliness and hurt. How do you numb yourself to avoid getting hurt by intimacy? Are you aware of your avoidances?
Do you escape by working long hours? Do you escape by constant spiritual activities? Do you escape by being heavily involved in sports or hobbies? Do you escape by being dedicated to a noble duty or cause?
Escape From intimacy
I escape you by doing noble duties
I escape you by working long hours
I escape you by taking care of the kids
I escape you by being busy in spiritual activities
I escape you by being busy helping others
I escape you by constantly doing the chores in the house
I escape you by hiding in groups
I escape you by having a fight with you
I escape you by taking care of my family
I escape you by being with friends
I escape you by making myself sick
I escape you by blaming you
I escape you to escape myself
Copyright .2015 by Shervin Hojat
As a result of spasms, inactivity, swelling, and pressure, parts of my body experience pain from time to time and it can be a dull pain or it can be quite intense. However, if I engage in active work like I'm doing right now by dictating this message to you, I can go on for hours without feeling this pain until I stop my intense work. My brain is diverting my attention to the work and not the pain. While pain can be intense sometimes, keeping me awake for hours at night, I take no pain pills.
As far as most of the escapes that you write about above, I am escaping physical pain, not psychological pain.
Ron