Contemplating My Position

As I contemplate my position in this current transition I realize that I am alive.

I know this because I feel – and my feelings are my own therefore they’re not only real; but valid.

Who can judge me but the Lord himself?

What man or woman has trudged my path and taken up the cross for me in my hour of persecution?

None. 

Live with the knowledge that you were chosen to be omitted and tell me how committed you are to a life that’s not that easy to live; then give all that is within you for your own seed only to be left with the desire, the need for a chance to prove your mettle, yet have to settle for less than zero and still come out feeling like a hero.

Bury your heart while everything surrounding you has been torn apart and cast into the wind and try your best to bend and not break as she lies broken and still sustain – enduring a pain that s not to be endured even for a little while because after all – no parent expects to have to bury his child.

Allow the smoke to overtake and all but choke the very life out of your hopes and dreams; your plans and schemes; while battling schisms and isms; neurosis and drug induced psychosis and in the end feel like you win.

I’m true to mine knowing my mind is not my friend yet still I allow myself to come down off the shelf and participate because if I know nothing else I know this:  it’s not too late – too late to change.

Nothing is constant but change – can you spare some change – there’s no such as spare change;

Don’t spare change cuz change we must or die.

I will myself to try fore I know no other way and it is because of this I feel feelings all too real to ignore;

But hey – please let me bore you with my trivialities because my reality is just that – mine.

It is this current position; this transition that keeps me alive and I contemplate it with a gladness, not sadness because it is not a loss that I suffer from, but rather a gaining of the knowledge that I am indeed alive and today I know this because I feel.