"
I read The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, and gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire."...Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Back in Loves Newborn Days

I've been on my soapbox about wetland encroachment today. Seems I'm a witness to one too many dead otters lately as their habitat is being over developed and they're heading across highways to other areas and meeting head on with hydromatics...not a pretty picture.

Each time I cry for these simple creatures that love to play and mate for life. I wish, at times, that I were an otter...just to swim and go under the water to glide with the currents...escort the flotsam out with the ebbing tides and play among the fiddlers and marsh hens. It is a bent grin that welcomes the laughter of the gulls along with my own when these creatures play in their mating game. It is a dance of nature that is of the minimalist love...pure...comical...touching...rubbing noses...eyes of candy kisses...whiskers that move with the chatter and clicks of romantic songs...and with the toss of a webbed foot...they hurl fiddler crabs back and forth to share their tasty morsels with their one true love.

To have the simplicity of this love and not be encumbered with hurts from old ones...isn't this what love should always be like? Never being hurt...respect for life and loving in a natural way that IS caring, compassion and honesty.

If wishes were as easy as thoughts then I would be a newborn again...wholesome and homogenized in my heart and soul...seeking the love of one who would give me the security of this...the sensations I've lost to pains that were wonderful in their onset and nourishing in their beauty of emotions.

You know...out of everything I've given up as I grew to this adult woman...I've lost the virgin thoughts that made me wonder at natures gut feelings...senses that were new and felt so good when first caressed.

I want it back.

Such a sadness to grow and lose so much of the awe of first love.

How wonderful to sense a glow from within...a tug of passions first creeping to the surface...then to face the bubbles as they are seduced from your heart the first time...and the generic tingle that the first kiss pulls toward the throat and to wonder if you really would get pregnant if you French kissed that guy.

How absolutely glorious to be so young and gullible to emotions that would teach great lessons later in life.

The rush of heat to the brow...the rash of passions to a young, nubile girl...so eager but terrified at being seduced...and the mind saying, "keep that aspirin between your knees"...or was that a subliminal message from your mother to keep you straight?

Waking the next morning to love...hearts pounding when thoughts of the previous night searches your days and calls upon memories of a young man and his hard kisses for his first time too...he was just as scared...but he would talk proud the following morning in a bashful sort of way.

And then there's the sitting for hours in school...fearing you had an attention deficit disorder because you couldn't keep your mind from wondering to him...the notes taken from a cunning teacher and causing giggles when the thought of her reading HIS name again...written over and over...boldly sketched with hearts...making no sense but coming from within a bride of emotions.

All this is so tender with the memories...not a hint of the ugly hurt that comes later in adult situations when partners make stupid mistakes and play games of chance...then the picture is forever tarnished and love takes a back seat to pain.

I want to LOVE again...more than anything in my life...more than learning to fly...catching a trophy Cut Throat trout, writing the Great American Novel or sailing the Mediterranean in a Clipper...I want to really LOVE again...to wish upon a star...ride a rainbow and sail among the clouds with a dream of a pure love that is mine...not tarnished and given as well as taken with the others pleasures most to the forefront.

If this comes to pass...then love-making should be phenomenal in the labors of one pleasing the other...for to be selfish in love-making robs the bed of true r passions and further depth . To put the others love in respect to caresses and passions gives both and reciprocates new highs to ecstasy with one into the other with generous thoughts to please. To give in this manner would have two hearts wanting to please foremost and the marriage of erotic juices would be Utopia in it's finest hour...and selfishness would also take a back seat and remain there forever.

I've read so much tripe about what love is and is suppose to be...how to please your lover...and games to play with your love mate.

To me loving is never a game...and to think that ones thoughts would be to play at this emotion would rob the passions of the intent...thus taking the pleasures of souls away. In such a fashion the flesh is raped and the mind is fraught with unseated desires...then the search continues from bed to bed for most.

I prefer the one who is loving me...and knows I love back...with his pleasures in my hands and his satisfaction my quest.

I cherish these thoughts...and the complete desires that are honest for the first time since I lost to pain.

© Susan K. Rowse