Who will I dream of without you?
Whose kisses will breathe life into my heart?
Who will collect my tears
and scatter them through barren fields?
For I can, nor can I, live without you
and I cannot know of what next to do
or of which option is true
when both are experienced
in a never-ending insecurity trap
of conditions hoped for
but never met. With all tomorrows
shut out; their luminosity lost to regret.
And memories wishing for forgetfulness
of things I did and did not have.

But in my weakness
there must be strength.
For in some dimension
I am the woman
I hoped he would know
and not the one that ultimately
led him to ‘silently’ flee.

Tonight, resolving with myself congruently,
I shall be a pillar of semi-consciousness,
where I will pretend to set him free.
To close up my heart
and let him leave as he need.
I will remain in perpetual darkness
with love waiting as it always was
through all tomorrows.


© 2006 Sara Coslett