DISCLAIMER ---
If you are a Prude, please do not read this!

If you can get past the opening poem without a traumatic experience, the real 'meat' is normal, unadulterated prose! Heck, you might even find some useful information?

Oh, let's be more affirmative -- you WILL find some POSITIVE information -- IF your ATTITUDE allows it!

Honey – Say Something Soft and Mushy…

© April 27, 2007 – Tom Hyland


The Title request above
Is intended for Love,
Be that as it may!

But as an effort at Wit,
The young fella said:
“Ooh… Shit…”
and crushed the poor gal with…
Dismay!

Needless to say,
That wasn’t the Way,
So his ‘Roll in the Hay’
Wasn’t coming that Day!

And That is the End of my Lay…
HIS TOO!


Well Gals and Guys,
Hope you’re All
Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise,
Just what Else can I Say?


Hi! As you no doubt realize, the above little ‘Brain Fart’ was done purely for fun, and just ‘oozed’ forth from the deep ‘bowels’ of an almost forgotten young lad’s repertoire of ‘dirty jokes.’ As I rapidly approach age sixty-seven, I find myself in the throes of an attempted ‘self-improvement.’

Now, hold on thar, Pardner – “Judge not… lest ye be judged!” How could something so vile and disgusting, be possibly regarded as an improvement? Ah… glad you asked!

The topic and attempt at humor, or wit, certainly may be vulgar, ‘cause of the rhyme with ‘shit’ --- but Hey, IT HAPPENS, don’t IT? Or, more precisely, should the correct verbiage be ‘does it not?’ Don’t be so Glum, Chum! Lighten up! Smell the Roses… or the Offal… one is so sweet, the other NOT!

As Desi might have said to Lucy: “Lemme Splain… Hon!”

Slightly over two years ago, I completed a wonderful ‘Self-Help’ course which was given by our Dear, Dear, Dear Friend (and Mentor ) … none other than… DRUM ROLL… Elizabeth Lucas-Taylor!

Now wait just a minute, she did NOT encourage me to use ‘cuss words’ --- nor to write anything in the ‘vernacular’ --- nor to purposely use too many CAPS and exclamation points! I alone must plead ‘Guilty, as charged!’

While the exact title of said course escapes me at the moment, suffice it to say that is was purely… EXCELLENT!

If memory serves me correctly, there were about Eight Parts, and what made this course so different was the fact that you had to make audio tapes, in your own voice, that could be played back whenever, and how frequently as you chose! While much of it, especially the ‘Relaxation’ process, as well as the ‘Visualization’ process, was totally new to me, some of the other material covered may have been read, or heard before. But --- and this is a BIG BUT --- the sheer fact of hearing your OWN VOICE telling you this ‘stuff’ was more powerful, friendly, relaxing, and convincing than listening to Earl Nightingale, or some other well-known figure.

So --- what has all this to do with “the price of eggs in China?” NUTTIN’ HONEY! The proverbial ‘Bottom Line’ of these exercises was that you actually took the time to THINK, write down the THINGS that you THOUGHT you WANTED, and were subjecting yourself to a form of ‘Self-Hypnosis!’ Nowhere in the course did LIZ actually TELL you this… you surmised it through observation and repetition… or NOT!

Well Pilgrims, after about a year of faithfully listening to these tapes, usually playing them at bedtime every night, I did realize that the Primary Goal, of changing ME, and my ATTITUDE, had finally begun to work. Some of these improvements had become a homegrown HABIT. Just as one simple example, I no longer found myself STRESSED OUT and FUMING when stuck in heavy traffic. Heck, that alone may have prevented me from having a heart attack! Somehow, now really, really, really irritating people no longer ‘got my GUFF’ so easily, as was not the case previously. Anyway --- ‘TEMPER FUGIT’ and the next thing I knew, another whole year had passed. But --- another BIG BUT --- ( I’m a BIG BUTT, but with TWO TEES ) --- I had stopped listening to the actual tapes, and replaced them with the deeply ingrained AFFIRMATIONS, which I had formulated earlier.

Little by little, there was a process of discovery and self-examination going on --- almost AUTOMATICALLY --- quietly, indistinctively, my sub-conscious was working in the background. POSITIVE GOOD THINGS WERE BEING EXPERIENCED! Yes, I was in a state of growth, change, improvement… but no great astonishing, earth-moving occurrences had yet become evident.

Then, back in December, just before Christmas, my daughter sent me a DVD. I watched it. Totally enjoyed it. I even took a couple of pages of notes. It was truly uplifting, very well done, full of quality, and included presentations and comments from many successful FAMOUS people. Here comes that BIG BUT AGAIN --- I put it on a shelf and forgot about it --- DID NOTHING! DUH!

Oh, the title of the movie? “THE SECRET.” Then, little by little, I kept hearing or seeing references to it. So, I pulled it out and watched it the second time, this time discovering points I had missed the first time around. AND --- this time I TOOK THE TIME to also watch ALL the SPECIAL FEATURES and DELETED SCENES! More powerful ‘stuff’ that had evaded my consciousness started ‘sinking in.’

THE SECRET was produced by an Australian woman, who had done a lot of research to identify currently LIVING people who already knew “The Secret.” Just last week, I watched it a THIRD time --- stopping it, taking notes, backing up, comparing passages, and finally admitting to myself that this basic concept, that: “ALL THINGS, ALL OF CREATION ARE FORMS OF ENERGY… AND LIKE ENERGY ATTRACTS LIKE ENERGY" ... might just work!

In short, Negatives beget Negatives, and POSITIVES BEGET POSITIVES! VOILA! It finally dawned on me, that sure I had improved in the past two years… little teensy-weensy ‘ant steps’… but… here’s that really, really, really BIG BUT YET AGAIN --- GIANT LEAPS ARE POSSIBLE!

“BELIEVE – ACHIEVE – RECEIVE!’

Then it hit me like the proverbial “ton of bricks” --- Elizabeth KNEW THE SECRET! She had practiced it, and taught it to others, and did so, probably for years, totally unselfishly, and in many cases, probably without recompense! IT just wasn’t yet labeled “The Secret.”

GOD BLESS YOU IMMENSELY, DARLIN’ !!!

Next, we have to mention a well-intended, loving family member, ROSEMARIE ARMENTROUT. She has asked me on many occasions WHY… do I use CURSE words, poor spelling, bad grammar, and sometimes downright NASTINESS, in my writings? Again, I am “Guilty as charged!” Somehow I have been operating under the misapprehension that these were just ‘tools’ of the trade, that commanded more attention, maybe?

I do sincerely apologize to anyone that may have ever been offended by my vulgarity, and/or negativity. To that end, I shall forthwith ATTEMPT to write and post more ‘stuff’ of a POSITIVE, uplifting, and/or humorous nature. However, I must claim ‘poetic license’ for the one bad word in the beginning of this piece… it is a true re-enactment, and is necessary for both the rhyme, as well as the ‘punch-line’ or impact, OKAY?

In closing, I would be remiss if I did not ‘SPLAIN’ another fact. After watching a movie last night, or technically, this morning, I did not get to bed until two A.M. Then, after being rudely awakened in the midst of a horrible nightmare, where I was about to be beaten and slaughtered by a bunch of ‘bad guys’… I did ‘potty call’… got the idea to WRITE at FIVE A.M. … and this is the result, being finished at SEVEN-FORTY-FIVE A.M. Accordingly, after posting this to AD, I shall attempt a ‘long Spring nap!’

Thunderstorms have been rolling through old Baltimore like loud train-wrecks, for the past innumerable hours of the ‘wee morning’. Oh, one other thought… after about four years now, of posting here, it seems to me that there might be more ‘peeps’ here that tend to read and write more poetry than prose… so, I’m sticking this ‘piece’ under Poetry, even though the greater majority is Prose!

On a scale of One-to-Ten, “THE SECRET” is a NINETY-NINE !!!

“May all your problems be ‘Little Ones!’” PEACE! Tom.