Please don't feel that you NEED to comment, I just needed to get this out, somewhere, thanks for reading of me here...
I try not to allow it with sheer will,
So that maybe I don’t of myself kill,
As you can see by this write I am here still,
But only because of my anti-depression pill…
I sit here alone in my cave,
I don’t really want to go to my grave,
I’m not sure I could do it to myself,
I know for certain that I am not that brave…
I also know it is not bravery but cowardice,
Sometimes though I feel so powerless,
Since losing my best friend last year,
I have not had anyone to speak to of my fear…
I haven't been on AD for a long time but popped in to check things out and read this poem. I'm so sorry that you're struggling with depression. I don't really know what to say because I don't think anything I say will help but to encourage you that there is life beyond this. I struggled for a long time but now I'm free and have not taken medication. I think that if you have a purpose and you pursue it, the depression fades. That's why my life's goal has been to help other's find their purpose. It's so hard to figure out yourself but with help it is possible. I'm happy to say that I've helped many people this way. Ever need a friend, reach out! :)
Ed, depression strikes us all at some point. For me I've been depressed for about three weeks now because of my surgery tomorrow to take out some lung. But hey, it's just what has to be done to keep slithering along life's path.
Suicide, well that is another question.
To be or not to be. I prefer to be. I am one of the lucky 10% who have made three plus years with Pancreatic Cancer. It is gone. Now I rejoice in each day and try to learn something or do something just for me.
A doctor the other day told me he wanted to do a gastroscopy the next day. I said I can't do it tomorrow because I'm going kayaking. So there all of a sudden I have taken back control of my life and I feel great about it.....Remember, "This To Shall Pass."
Walt
Reviewed by D. Vegas (Reader)
Reviewed on July 18, 2017
I too have depression, try getting your medication changed or upted.
Ed, from the post, you have a lot of friends. They all are encouraging you to keep on, keeping on. Some of them are firm believers in the duality of heaven/hell. They want you to hang on and pray, so that you go to heaven (with them?). They think that suicide is cowardly.
Let me put it another way. I look at death as merely, "lights out." You would be surprised at how many people also look at it that way but do not want to rile their friends who believe in the afterlife so much. The afterlife is generally a false promise given by religious cults that have grown up to keep people working for the cult until they die.
But the others don't know, and I know from my own experience, you are undergoing a lot of pain from your ailments and this pain is more than just mental. It keeps you from a productive life and you try to put it off by binge eating, drugs, diversions, etc. But the pain and misery won't go away and it will only get worse.
In the last three years, aging of my injured spinal cord, along with normal aging of my body has presented challenges that takes a great deal of effort from me and my caregivers just to deal with every day. I just finished my 10th book and feel comfortable with my life to date. I see no value in vegetating another 20 years, unproductive, getting worse and worse and frustrating my caregivers trying to make me comfortable. I see no value in heroic efforts by hospitals to save me with surgeries or drugs from the coming infections that will take advantage of my weakened condition at every opportunity. I have no children or grandchildren and am rapidly using the retirement money I've saved on keeping me alive.
That money can go to much better use if I simply undergo euthanasia when things get untenable in the next few years. I do not fear hell that does not exist. My allowing myself to die is not cowardly, it is natural like death itself, that occurs to all of us.
Ed,
Sir,It's a sad poem, it's poetry many of us have written-thought or even attempted. We grow older - we lose friends - family and even pets to death. We ourselves realize through our own health that life ain't what it used to be nor will it again.
Yes it is sad... we all sometimes dread living - but we dread death as well. It is good however to get it all out in the open. It is hard to carry on often. It's hard to love and lose. It's a little like Dr. Hooks song "life ain't easy".
Yet somehow we carry on. You yourself have faced possible death on several occasions but you were spared and that my friend is for a reason. What that reason is I don't know but it was for a reason. Search your soul and find that reason and apply that reason to life. For each morning that we awaken it is a blessing... it may not feel like it today, but it is.
I'm enclosing 2 songs by Mercy Me that has brought me through many difficult situations, be it death of a loved one, a pet or even a life decision that I had to make. Let them touch your heart.
You may be surprised at how many responses you get to this; many of us suffer the same hopeless feelings. You are not alone, though I am not sure if knowing that helps. Jerry is right, just keep trudging.
I sympathize with you 100%, Ed. It is a rough way to go when you get to that point in your life. I have nothing much to say except life is precious, keep putting one foot ahead of the other.
This book operationalizes the profound teachings of the Enneagram so that coaches and other growth-oriented professionals can use specific processes,tools and strategies to empower and support the transformation of their clients.
Share
Print
Save
Follow
Suicide, well that is another question.
To be or not to be. I prefer to be. I am one of the lucky 10% who have made three plus years with Pancreatic Cancer. It is gone. Now I rejoice in each day and try to learn something or do something just for me.
A doctor the other day told me he wanted to do a gastroscopy the next day. I said I can't do it tomorrow because I'm going kayaking. So there all of a sudden I have taken back control of my life and I feel great about it.....Remember, "This To Shall Pass."
Walt
Always,
Deborah
There's nothing worse than severe depression. I know too well. Hang in there--I'm rooting for your swift recovery.
Your friend,
Scott
Let me put it another way. I look at death as merely, "lights out." You would be surprised at how many people also look at it that way but do not want to rile their friends who believe in the afterlife so much. The afterlife is generally a false promise given by religious cults that have grown up to keep people working for the cult until they die.
But the others don't know, and I know from my own experience, you are undergoing a lot of pain from your ailments and this pain is more than just mental. It keeps you from a productive life and you try to put it off by binge eating, drugs, diversions, etc. But the pain and misery won't go away and it will only get worse.
In the last three years, aging of my injured spinal cord, along with normal aging of my body has presented challenges that takes a great deal of effort from me and my caregivers just to deal with every day. I just finished my 10th book and feel comfortable with my life to date. I see no value in vegetating another 20 years, unproductive, getting worse and worse and frustrating my caregivers trying to make me comfortable. I see no value in heroic efforts by hospitals to save me with surgeries or drugs from the coming infections that will take advantage of my weakened condition at every opportunity. I have no children or grandchildren and am rapidly using the retirement money I've saved on keeping me alive.
That money can go to much better use if I simply undergo euthanasia when things get untenable in the next few years. I do not fear hell that does not exist. My allowing myself to die is not cowardly, it is natural like death itself, that occurs to all of us.
Ron
Sir,It's a sad poem, it's poetry many of us have written-thought or even attempted. We grow older - we lose friends - family and even pets to death. We ourselves realize through our own health that life ain't what it used to be nor will it again.
Yes it is sad... we all sometimes dread living - but we dread death as well. It is good however to get it all out in the open. It is hard to carry on often. It's hard to love and lose. It's a little like Dr. Hooks song "life ain't easy".
Yet somehow we carry on. You yourself have faced possible death on several occasions but you were spared and that my friend is for a reason. What that reason is I don't know but it was for a reason. Search your soul and find that reason and apply that reason to life. For each morning that we awaken it is a blessing... it may not feel like it today, but it is.
I'm enclosing 2 songs by Mercy Me that has brought me through many difficult situations, be it death of a loved one, a pet or even a life decision that I had to make. Let them touch your heart.
With brotherly love
Your friend Al...from Carolina
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWejcH0JWTc
"Okay okay okay..."
So, let us critique this latest submission -
Depression Sucks ! An Admssion.
But ... WTF ... is with the word in the title 'monkey' ?
Other than the fact that it rhymes with an Ass, or Donkey?
So, who was this Best Pal... was it Rufie?
Or was it a Human Bean... Forsoothie?
Either way, we will all meet again, someday ...
Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, Hell ? Come what may!
Life is for the Living ... each precious day is a Thanksgiving!
Yuletide as a goal ... makes sense to me, ergo ... Forgiving!
Bottom Line ? Yew, my fiendish Friend, are Phucking Lonely !
Ewe need a companion ... a person, dog, or even Pussy Only !
Some one, or thing, or pet, to eradicate yer Boredom ...
If you had lotsa money ... could resort to Whoredom !
Anyways, this posting seems to be a "Cry for Help" ...
Thus, my conclusion, go Google the word "Whelp" !
Courage, my Friend, is the Decision to Face Another Day ...
Roll the Dice ... Pick yer Fat Arse Up ... No matter, come what May !
💙 😻 👹 😇 😜 ✌️ 🙏 🎄 🌈 ☃️ ☔️ 🌤 💰 ⚖️ 💚
life isn't fair.
The trick is to hang in there,
and know we are people who care.
Love ya!
Jane
Pray to God and if you believe, you will be saved.