Breakdown (poem) by Nathan C. Daniels on AuthorsDen

Breakdown
by Nathan C. Daniels → (All Poetry by Nathan C. Daniels)
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

Save

I've suffered from severe psychological disorders most of my life. I am no stranger to experiencing panic attacks, audio and visual hallucinations, self-abuse, and desperate thoughts of suicide. Here is a raw and honest piece about the inner turmoil and utter desperation experienced during a psychotic episode.

I hear and see what is not there. I pound my fists and pull my hair. I talk too loud to trump the noises —chaotic, screaming, inner voices! I seldom eat and never sleep. I rarely laugh. I always weep. I bite my knuckles —scream in silence. I cut myself to quell the violence! Pace my basement late at night with phantom ghosts, who try to bite. I punch myself. I spin around. Grunt and gasp —I’m on the ground! Hug my knees and cry some more, my face, against the concrete floor. I hear the whisper —bang my head. I truly wish that I were dead! Shadows dance and come to life. I cut again —my bloodstained knife. It never ends, and I am weary. My downward spiral’s dark and dreary! Endless tears —my eyesight’s blurry. My world is pain, and threats, and worry. I must escape my tortured brain. It hurts so much to be insane! I picture dangling from a rope. I disappear like all my hope. Open veins for blood to shed. Take lots of pills and go to bed! I’ll find a ledge of lethal height. Plummet fast to set things right. Drown myself… for restitution? Gunshot? Fire? Electrocution?! All these thoughts are always calling, I still breathe… but I’m just stalling. My struggle makes my madness stronger, I’ll survive tonight… but how much longer?

Reviewed by J. Roseline

Reviewed on July 10, 2013

Hey Nathan, Hope you get out of your nightmares and spend all your time
writing for you seem to be gifted with a wonderful style, focused and calm, your normal self is fine, otherwaise you woukld not be able to write about your traumas in such a defining manner. Best wishes to you Nathan and may your troubles go past and you live to be a well known writer!

Reviewed by Ed Matlack

Reviewed on July 9, 2013

U explain this so well that I feel like I am actually there suffering with you during these episodes...no offense meant, I wouldn't want to be, but I think that we all have had some semblance of this happen to us throughout life, but nothing like what you go through & your fear of going outside...you are wrought with many problems...I wish you well, sir, and hope things look up for you...e

Reviewed by Dayvid Graybill

Reviewed on July 7, 2013

Powerful. Honest. Transparent.
Nathan, your writing exposes your giftedness. Great stuff!

Peace,

Dayvid

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on July 6, 2013

While I have had some desperate physical situations resulting from being quadriplegic and unable to move when I need to, like being in a straitjacket without the straitjacket, I've never had a psychotic episode.

Regardless of your condition, you certainly articulate well what a psychotic episode is like for you. For that I'm grateful. Like Sigmund Freud, I'm curious. The more you can provide me about what is going through your mind, the better I can write about it when I come upon psychosis.

Like I've often said to people with deep problems, all you have to do is write about them and solutions will appear. I hope that is true in your case.

Ron