What was I doing ?

Awoke feeling ice cold!

The gripping hand of fear grabbing and taunting me, staring at me with ominous glaring eyes and laughing so loudly it rumbled and shook my foundations… the core of what used to be me.  There’s a dull and sombre look within the eyes reflecting what I now have become, nothing but a hollow excuse for a human, and I shudder.  Someone had rattled the keys to the cells of my mind, shocking, the shiver of death teasing, calling, tempting and I stare into emptiness and total oblivion,

Where am I? Who am I? What have I become?

“Silence” comes booming the voice from within, “my slave, my puppet you have become.  I command silently and you obey diligently, at my beck and call you bow and please,”

In silent retrospect I sit there shocked and numbed, indeed I am nothing but a number along with thousands of others. So alluring it is, swept off with such charm, adrenaline rush like white water rapids furious and exhilarating, confidence booster calling your name, like a pill on the tongue, to take away the aches and pain.

“A junkie you have become” booms that voice again from within.

In a state of paralysed confusion I am lost in this web of delusion, and so attached I have become, and say “just 5 more minutes” and the minutes into hours, hours to days, days to years, and unknowingly you have vegetated and grown old, but still the silent voice of reason tickles the emotions within, and for a lucid moment, I snap out and see disgust staring back at me.  I don’t need this, not here not now, I am not condemned within the silent and invisible walls that surround me;

“But who is me?” questions the silent voice of reason,

“Leave her be, and let her enjoy” booms the thunder from within.

Entrusted into the realms of that which you think is reality, so painfully obvious a spiralling web of deceit, your minds on a downward sickening fall.  Entombed within the confines of these dying walls, of this mind that is crying in pain knowing something is wrong, but there’s no one to blame, caterpillars crawl along the rims of your sleep, faces staring and glaring and baring their teeth, eyeballs obscured and in place there are ears, they listen to hear where their eyes would’ve been, ears that now see with eyeballs protruding you scream but your voice fades into silent oblivion.

© Elga ~Indigo~

19 August 2005 – All Rights Reserved

11H45 pm

N.B. "confidence booster calling your name, like a pill on the tongue, to take away the aches and pain."  Please do NOT misinterpret this! It's a figure of speech.