ONLY SAFE MAN IS A DEAD MAN

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Bring In The Clowns
By Southern Comfort & La Belle Rouge

Sittin round the office one fine evenin
waitin for another party call.
Bubbles and Lollipop the clowns,
one short and luscious, one curvy and tall.
Maybe a brithday... or a barbeque.
They’d give em the comedy “Special”
for the price of one clown they get two!

“I’m bored as hell” complained Bubbles
pulling out a clump of her red hair.
“Me too,” replied jolly Lollipop.
“Stayin home again tonight jes aint fair”
Then the telephone ding a linged
and she raced to pick it up quick.
it was a party to do, way out in the sticks

So they caked on more make up
and packed up their bag of tricks.
Oughta be a lotta fun tonight
entertainin them hillbilly hicks!
Lollipop and Bubbles knew what it would take
so they hid and was wheeled
into the room in a big ole party cake.

The music was way too loud
and man....it won’t the kind for kids.
Bubbles jumped outa that cake
and about the time she did
them bachelors started shoutin
“Take it all off Lady Clown”
So she pulled off one big floopy shoe
and let that thing hit the ground.

Well Lollipop won’t to be outdone
by Bubbles or any other girl
so she jumped right outa the cake
popped her top
and rocked them bachelors’ world.
“Take it off” they yelled with glee
so she bounced her pink balloons
for all the world to see

Lollipop and Bubbles aint no ordinary clowns,
They gots reputations of flashin and pullin they drawers down.
They aint clowns fur the faint of heart,
Sometimes jest fur the Hell of it, Lollipop lets a thunderous fart!
That pisses Bubbles off, cause she don't like that a lick,
Then she takes aim and gives Lollipop's ass a swift kick!

" I wonder why we aint gettin no calls?, Bubbles , did ya pay the bill?"
" Yeppers, I sho did", she said givin her fruit jar of White Lightenin a swill!
Yahoo! The phone begin to ring,
" Weese goin to a party and weese might git to sing!"
" Hey give me a snort of that White Linghtnin", Lollipop did demand,
" I don't thank that'd be a good idea, cause
last time Ya got tanked and couldn't stand!"
" Well Oakey Dokey, I speck them hillbillys will have some brew!"
Bubbles said," Well don't git stoned whatever Ya do!"
They arrived in Boonieville and found a big cake,
with a sign that said, " GET IN!"
" Well here goes nothin!", Lollipop said with a grin.

Bubbles tweren't bout to show no skin,
But Lollipop was up fur anythang, she be so brazen round men!
She popped hern top and showed hooter with nibbens wearin tassels.
She made them little suckers twirl,
men started rushin the cake, what a hassle!

Bubbles said," Lollipop, let's haul ass!"
Lollipop yelled, Come and git it boys!", and she did it with class.
Bubbles was outraged, sayin" Leave that little slut clown alone!"
But them ole boys was too riled, theys wanted to jump her bones!
Bubbles and Lollipop, just bearly survived,
Then ole boys stripped them necked, and they just escaped with their lives!

Back at the office, Bubbles was mad as an old wet hen.
She says, “Lollipop, don’t you never pull that stunt again,
them ole boys smelled like pole cats, and they ripped
my best lace bustier, why you aint nothing but a slut clown
looking for a roll in anybody’s hay.
and Lollipop you know, fire water is your downfall
why you was fallin down drunk and screaming,
I’ll take on all a ya’ll.”

Theys just about to settle down for a little nap
when the phone commenced to ringing again
Bubbles was holding that thing on her lap!
Cause she weren’t about to make no commitment
for another party no time soon after the last.
It’d take a long time of recovery just to get over the past.
So she answered that phone with a low voice
tryin not to wake up little ole Lollipop
if that slut clown got another opportunity
she knew there’d be no way to stop.

“A funeral? His final request?” She asked,
“ You want us for a funeral, are you sure?
We’ll be right over at three tomorrow
cause a dead man is the only man
Lollipop can leave pure.”

5/31/2007 Southern Comfort & La Belle Rouge

Music "Elephant Walk"