DIVER

You hold the key to my body's deepest secret
this locked chest
overgrown with the dank seaweed of disuse

You are the swimmer
the mermaid
who can breathe at such depths

No heavy metal tank of emotional oxygen
disguised on others as necklaces
rings on fingers
the other adornments used
to weigh down other divers
who have searched the bottom of me
for this treasure
the lost coins of my childhood happiness
scattered during those stormy years
of wrecked youth
unwanted by the large creatures
who scraped the bottom
looking for nourishment instead of wealth

But you are aware, smarter somehow
able to feel the metal of me
magnetized to your touch

Yet, inside this chest
(lock oiled with decades of rust)
lies that silver child
minted into round and subtle emblems of exchange

kisses for affection
caresses for nurture
love exchanged immediately
never banked for future needs
love then
so always spent on that now
the way bandages were wrapped
when stitches were required

such deep cuts that only healed
at the surface of the skin
leaving blood vessels dangling
their red travel stopped at fractured dead ends

Such childish blood pools
like dinosaurs cringing
in the final warm moments of an ice age
curled into pockets of self
crushed into containers
that later overgrew into jungles
frozen by the moment then flattened by eons
to become oil
awaiting discovery
awaiting the match


II

This is how you strike me
the physical flare of you
as if by magic diving through my depths
a torch of heat held in one hand
while the other pushes aside
each impediment
water
seaweed
rust
(me)

to touch that fuse that guards
the solvent nitroglycerine
molded around my heart

each time we touch
I sizzle
charge
explode
scattering these chains of Neptune
from around my arms and legs

And yet
I still cannot swim away with you
instead must crawl
reacquaint myself with this ocean floor
collecting the various aspects
that broke apart during my descent
now found covered with angry algae
disguised by ancient barnacles of sin
so difficult to scrape clean
with sea water-soaked digits alone

Yet, even as I fight to clean and clear away
this murky residue of the past
I understand the danger of the attempt

A god does not easily let loose of that
which has been claimed
the heat of his salty chemical soup
will burn uncovered flesh
eat away the bare places
unprotected by that old thick green

There is only so much time
to stand unsheathed alone
before his unmindful minions find, reattach,
and weigh me down
quickly learn the secret of your charge
then hide me in their velvet forever


III

So I search the fathoms for the small eddies
that describe your approach
practice my own weak strokes
as I mimic your ability
to cut through water as if it were air

It may be that you never return
yourself now free to travel
this sparkling ocean of your new cavort

Your strength and beauty and magic
are not obligated to me
my love is not a rule you must obey
and I know (ironically deep down)
that I must cut through this liquid prison on my own

though your arrival each time
makes me more buoyant
teaches me the secret
of culling small particles of oxygen
away from their hydrogen embrace

So I will learn to keep you with me
even when you are gone
and on that day I truly learn to
blow apart my own inveigled chest
liberate the silver son
begin to swim upward toward the air

I hope we meet along that
liquid path toward freedom
and that you still recognize
this former prisoner of the deep

For the one who loved you down there
is willing to love you here
and once we've fully searched
the blue and silver oceanic gleam
we'll trade these fins for real arms
gills for lungs

Together we will cut the husky lace
your grandfather wrapped around your legs
and learn to walk
together on that shore
that banished both

together avoid
those treacherous shoals
pockets of watery, painful past

eventually visit the deep graves
of those ancient ministers of hurt
who preached us evil
drove us into what seemed to be the safe water
forced us to hide from the sun

And on that day
we will dance on this new island
sweet firmament of each other
laugh in the warm air

and every day
I will pick another dry flower
and place it gently in your dry hair

And should the water return as tears
I will not fear to drink them
from your cheek

keep them from staining
your bright beauty

ever again