False hope

The healer soothed,
Go home.
I`ll put her in a booth
She`s fine
I`ll watch her,
Don`t worry,
I`ll keep track.

It was a long night, my heart felt like lead,
awake
alone
I lay in bed
hoping, crying sighing,
I know that she`s not dying

the phone it rang,
I listened,
still
She`s fine,
I`ll call you back,
I will

the healer said

I call later to confirm her state.
We`re watching her,
you have to wait,

the healer said
 

Later,
worried healer then calls me
asking why she holds her pee?
"What should I do?"
worried healer is asking me!

I`ll come to help her do her thing,
"better not" I`m told,

Diapered now, in a corner quiet,
my little angel lay

The doctor phones,
she`s breathing shallow
I`ll watch, she says
don`t worry
but it sounds so hollow

The morning light bring anxious hope,
If I go there now how will she cope,
how will I?

The night watch over, I do my thing
Suddenly,
the phone does ring

It`s the surgeon now.
"her heart is slowing, we`ve tried to hold her"
he says
but it sounds so shallow

I raced the car through red and green
Alas, too late,
a grizzely scene

My littlest biggest love
her breath
the last she does possess
breathes out and into me
she waited
her eyes for me to see
I kneel, I weep and cry
cradling her body still warm
to me
tenderly I squeeze her to my breast and arm

Her body releases her final breath,
she breathed it into me
at death

I hold her close and cry
anger welling

Why, Oh Why!

Why did you not call me before?

But all alone now
just a swinging door

Pull those tubes and wires now
I shout
bring me a cloth and blanket
Fast

Never mind cremation
You and all of you
Damnation

Alone now
all alone

I stirred, to take her home

I should not have left her here alone
should not
should not have gone home!

Guilty now,
then
painfully aware
people gather and do stare
at my grief

I wrap her in a blanket
tenderly
and as I leave, I can barely see
my eyes,
a sea of tears

Now realizing all my fears, I hold her in the car
all alone
A star is gone that brightly shone

no where to go
no reason to
I cry and cry
what will I do?

Closer

I hold her now, my body shaking
my little one,
my little one,
my heart is aching
come back
come back
my heart is breaking
you silly girl
I know you`re faking

Please

And so,
I am
so
is she
this way together, we will be
still,
I`m here,
but she is free

Her heart and soul now beat in me©

Bless you Jasmine, for loving my dad