The One Guy I Wanted To Put In A Body Cast 11/23/2004 11:23:44 PM
School Bullies & Teasing
I attended St. Clement High School, a small Catholic school in Center Line, MI. Center Line is a suburb of Detroit. There was a dividing line drawn down the middle of that school, few crossed it. Basically students from Detroit and Hamtramck (a small city within the city of Detroit, don’t ask!) were looked at as low class by the suburban preppies. I was a Detroiter. The guys were always on my back; I couldn’t go a day without some argument cropping up. There was one guy in particular who seemed to make it his personal mission to make my life a living Hell. He was the one guy that I wanted to personally put into a BODY CAST.
Well, 20 years later I happened across his business website! I sent him an email, told him how he’d made me feel back then and asked him why he’d been so mean. He wrote back requesting my phone number stating that he’d prefer to address those issues I raised personally. I have to admit I was terrified to talk to him because I figured it would just degenerate into one of our infamous screaming matches. All my dealings with him in school erupted into arguments.
First thing, he apologized for all the pain he’d caused me. He told me that back in high school his whole motivation was fitting in. Even though he was a jock, he said that being in the in-crowd took a lot of work. I rubbed against the grain and never tried to fit-in so I became a target. He said he also was dealing with a lot of pain at home. He had an ill family who’d almost died our junior year so often he'd be up until after midnight caring for them. His way of dealing with all of it was humor and unfortunately he released his pain by teasing others. He said that he spent more time in the hallway having been thrown out of classrooms than in class. He was constantly in the dean's and the principal's office. He tried to talk to a school counselor but was told that he can’t blame his bad behavior on a relative’s illness. His behavior was a classic adolescent response to the situation he was in. A school counselor/psychology teacher should have recognized that. He was really crying out for help and because he wasn’t getting it his behavior grew more radical as time passed.
In high school, I was like the Katarina Stratford character played by Julia Stiles from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You. I had a biting wit and tongue and marched to my own drummer. I was also a historical re-enactor and a Sci-Fi fan in a school that seemed devoid of fandom. I had my own way of dressing ranging from Victorian lace blouses, to paramilitary clothing, to rad sci-fi outfits, to the preppy look so I was very conspicuous and very politically out spoken.
He told me that he never hated me; but that he really admired me and was JEALOUS of me because I wasn't afraid to be myself. I didn't have to try to fit into the in-crowd I didn't care what others thought; but he couldn't step out of that. He told me that it took a lot of courage for me to email him and he thanked me for doing so (like a million times) because the things he did in high school have plagued him psychologically for years. I never would have believed back then that he’s really a very sensitive guy. I forgave him and we parted from one another distance acquaintances rather than enemies.
