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Likeability 9/8/2006 7:30:23 AM
This is a new series that I’ve opted to do. There is so much power in the spoken word. So, as I go through my day, I’ve opted to capture interesting words spoken to me in the course of conversation as inspiration for my next few blog entries.
Today’s words are: “If he likes you…”
It’s funny how ‘likeability” has taken on a major role in our culture. It’s so important as a matter of fact that some, like Tim Sanders, author of The Likeability Factor, argues that it is probably more important to be liked than it is to be respected.
Tim also identifies four personality traits, namely friendliness, relevance, empathy and "realness" (genuineness) that we can master, in order to increase our likeability.
Hmmm…
I supposed that I am not opposed to ‘likeability’. To my rational mind, it makes sense that I would prefer to be around people that I like, rather than those that I am ambivalent about, or don’t like. Surely it’s easier to work with a boss you get along with, an editor that sees your work the same way you do, and to network with people that can provide you with relevant information. Still though, ‘likeability’ seems hollow to me, I guess because its traits can be learned or even mimicked (insincerely) just to achieve a specific goal.
Further, the ‘likeability’ concept also takes a deep jab at the notion that “working hard always pays off”. Think about it. If likeability is more important than talent, drive and a strong work ethic (even if it’s equally as important), then talent becomes less important. And that means that less talented people could be managing more talented people, simply because they are better liked.
Not that that’s an unusual comment. In the past, Americans had referred to those who furthered their goals through ‘likeability’ as ‘suck-ups’, ‘phony’, or generally ‘dirty players’. Upset co-workers fought back by shunning that person socially or by giving marginal efforts when it came to supporting that person’s success. And, more often than not, savvy managers recognized the ‘likeability’ techniques (I know I did!), and made sure that they evaluated their entire staff fairly, regardless of their personal feelings toward the employee.
If the landscape is changing such that likeability is a significant factor, then there are several ramifications that we as employees and parents need to consider.
· First, we can no longer teach our children that ‘hard work pays off’. A more appropriate teaching may be that ‘smart work pays off’. It’s clearly not enough to have the most talent, the strongest work ethic, or the highest scores. You must also be liked, and that is not a skill that we generally teach our children. As a matter of fact, due to drug programs, safe sex programs, etc., we usually teach our children the opposite—namely, don’t follow the crowd, stand-alone.
· Next, we must retrofit likeability into our moral fiber. Most of us believe that trying to be liked for the sake of getting ahead has a rather ruthless quality that naturally goes against our religious or ethical beliefs. We prefer to, and to teach our children as well, be ourselves. Likeability can have a manipulative effect, which many of us can’t stomach, particularly when our basis for being liked is only to achieve our own goals.
· Finally, we should evaluate the concept of likeability as a viable life attribute. In all fairness, how much others like you does matter. Ask any salesperson how much easier it is to make the sale and continue to service the account when the buyers like him, as opposed to when they don’t, and they will all tell you that likeability is relevant. Perhaps our undergraduate and graduate schools of business should add Mr. Sanders book to their curriculum, especially in classes relating to Business Ethics. I don’t think I could support likeability taught as a discipline by itself, because being somewhat ‘old school’, I’d rather be liked and respected.
In any case, it’s something to think about, store in the back of our minds, and consider changing our behavior for. Because there’s nothing more frustrating than being passed up for a promotion, overlooked for an important assignment, or declined a job offer due to a low likeability factor.
For those of you reading this, please write a review. I’d be interested in what you think of the ‘likeability’ concept.
