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Forgive Yourself 1/19/2007 5:42:30 AM
Many times in our lives we come upon a moment when ideas, thoughts, and desires clash in a way that catches us off guard. What seemed to be a normal stride turns upside down and you find yourself wondering which direction to take. You sit in quiet to see if answers would come but find silence instead of words of comfort. You call upon all the wisdom you contain for just one small tidbit of information but instead find yourself sinking deeper into what appears to be an enlarging hole.
Does that sound familiar? I recently stumbled into such a hole at a time when I least expected to find it. My life was going fine and I felt that all was under control. That is, until I was caught off guard by an uncontrollable force that pushed me to the ground. Have you ever fallen and looked up from the ground and wondered how you got there? This was kind of the same feeling. I was stunned, speechless, and became in need of a ‘time out’ as we used to say to our kids.
“Time out”, I said to myself. Since when does a grown man need a time out from life? I heard the answer deep in my mind. NOW! So I acknowledged my plight and began the difficult journey back from the depths of sorrow. What could have triggered this unintended burst of sorrow? Why me? Why now?
I sat in quiet for some time seeking the council of my inner world to help me become centered again. For a while I was motionless and struggled with answers. One after another they came slowly at first then they become more pointed and real. I was on to something and I could feel the approaching answer to my gloom. In the quiet I could feel my body soften and my pain became less and less. In that quiet I felt a comfort that I really didn’t expect so soon - so quick.
“Forgive” was a word that keep seeking its way to my conscious mind. Forgive what I wondered. Ah, I must forgive a disease that has taken away most of my world. Forgive myself for feeling guilt over how it affected my life and the lives of those I love. Forgive myself when I spill a glass of water or fall because I’m having a bad day and can’t quite feel the road under my feet. Ah yes, and forgive those involved in the news I received that day that caused me to spin out of control.
I sat in the quiet and forgave myself and all who affected me that day. I forgave until I was emptied of all the pain. I could see once again my world in all its beauty and knew then that I could follow my chosen path and find the joy and wonder that each tentative step brought. I was free and could feel a new surge of energy engulf me. What caused me pain gave me the insight to forgive. It was a good day.
Communing with Spirit during the trying times in my life has given me a way to enhance my life and brings me enormous comfort. You see, I live with chronic pain and the fatigue it causes which has completely altered my life. It has not only affected my life but also all those I love. It is through the art of meditation and inner reflection that I know the Spirit’s presence in my life. It is that same knowing that allows me to cope and survive during the most trying times. I write these articles and blogs to let others know of a way to keep their world alive, a way to overcome all the odds, and a way that can bring them peace.
Namaste.
