Jean Sheldon, click
here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.
Blogs by Jean Sheldon
The Boundaries we call Safe 6/18/2007 5:51:44 AM
Recently I received the ultimate compliment. My writing helped another person. A friend, who had gone through a very difficult time, found comfort in a section of ‘Identity Murder’ where Kerry’s friend Jenny had to deal with an equally terrible ordeal. Kerry’s words helped her. My words helped a friend. It doesn’t get any better than that.
From ‘Identity Murder’:
“My illustrious career with the department hasn’t been without a few trials. There were times when I found myself involved in a situation that went beyond the boundaries I’d set up to contain my ‘safe’ world. One of them I already told you about—when I was in homicide, and my partner ended up in a wheelchair. Another happened when a couple of kids brought high-powered rifles to their high school and started shooting.
“The first one occurred when I was still in uniform and maybe that made it the most difficult. My partner and I drove down the Ryan as someone stood on an overpass firing at cars. I heard the zip of the bullet, the pop of the windshield and managed to pull over. When I turned to talk to my partner, half his was face gone.”
“Please tell me there’s a reason you shared that, other than to give me nightmares.”
Kerry sat on the edge of Jen’s table, behind which Jenny had collapsed in a chair. “Horrible events happen every day. Some people experience more of them. Some experience greater horrors. Except the three events I mentioned, and, of course, the accident with my family, all the horrors I’ve experienced in my life have fit into those boundaries I call safe.”
She used her finger to draw a box on the waxed surface of the table. “I’ve pushed, tugged, and crammed some of them to make them fit, but they fit. The hardest thing was to learn what to do with the ones that refused to fit, the ones that haunted me or ate away at me. The ones that if I didn’t figure out what to do with, would consume me, or at the least stop me from being able to do my job as a cop. I’m sure I’ve mentioned I love being a cop.”
“You have. You said you’ve crammed and shoved a few to make them fit. The four that you mentioned were the ones that refused to fit?” Kerry nodded. “What did you do with them?”
“The only thing I could do, I let them be. If they wanted to be present, they were, and I’d feel sadness, pain or fear in response. If they wanted to disappear for a while, they’d do that, and I’d feel calm, or relief, it didn’t matter. It only seemed to matter that I let them do what they needed to do. I wouldn’t be afraid of them, I wouldn’t pretend I could ignore them, and I wouldn’t let them overshadow my otherwise nifty life.”
Kerry’s logic intrigued Jenny. “How do you know if an event fits within your boundaries?”
“You know. Think about yesterday’s experience and try to see it at the same time as the rest of your life. The boundaries over your entire life will be bigger and stronger than one day, one year, or one event. You’ll know if you can’t squeeze the memory in your safe space, even if you jump on it. Would your memories of what happened with Phillip and the miscarriage fit in your boundaries?”
Jen thought about that terrible time in her life, but without knowing, she made the memory fit. “Yes, it would and does fit.”
“See, you’re off to a great start. Plus you have a wise and caring friend to help if you struggle with the ones that don’t.”
“I’m not sure I understand why you try to force them to fit if they don’t. If you’re able to let them be, why not let them be, whatever size they are?”
“If you can make it fit in a designated space, it becomes a bad memory, maybe only an unpleasant memory, but not a horrible one. Too many horrible memories can overwhelm you. At least they can me. What if they all came after you at the same time, or they came continuously? Suddenly you wouldn’t have the choice to let them be. Does that make any sense?”
“Yes, it makes a lot of sense.”
“Good, then enjoy the things that make you smile and use those tools to deal with the ones that don’t.”
