Prelude and Fugue: Hamster Treadmill Universe

Having awakened from hours of nightmare
To a waking reality made worse
By the fact my only escape lies there
Trapped in a hamster treadmill universe
Which I cannot bear awake or asleep
I wonder: what on earth do I do now?

I have lost my ability to weep
My tears have all dehydrated away
Only the absurdity of laughter
In the face of death gets me through the day
Then I am left feeling empty after
Where grief used to be is nothing somehow

Nothing is fitting since nothing fits me
Nor do I fit anything anywhere
(A typical existential lament)
Why am I telling you? What do you care?
Your seeing eyes are blind my blind eyes see
Yet we share a common predicament:

We are human here at the end of days
As some of you call this time when we live
Like feathers borne on the breath of always
I wish I could persuade you to forgive
Each other and me but I forgive you
As my hamster treadmill nightmare comes true

Faster and faster I spin round and round
I only wish I had gotten to know
What it meant to be human after all
I open my mouth to scream but no sound
I open my eyes to see but no light
I open my arms to fly but I fall

With only nothingness waiting below
Perhaps I was wrong perhaps you were right
But nothing really matters anymore
I quested my best and I was impaled
Upon the sacred spear drowned in the grail
In death to succeed as in life to fail

I saw three ships and in the last one ...sailed

+Steven Curtis Lance



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