Walking Tall Again


Still feels strange to be so tall
As if looking down from above
I use to be so small
Sitting in this chair like a glove

The years I lost because of youth
Not old enough to be allowed to walk
Fear of failure was the truth
My age was against me in a deadlock

Suffering makes you grow stronger
It hardens the spirit and grounds the soul
But I didn’t know how much longer
I could take the days and nights toll

Pain is all you know
To sleep and wake with
To think was so slow
Life was just a myth

Days in and days out
Praying that soon your soul he’ll take
Sometimes all I could do was shout
Screaming to see another day awake

Just one more treatment they say
Let’s try this or see if this works
So you wait for that fateful day
When it doesn’t, you just smirk

You know all along that it wouldn’t help
Just jerking me around is what I think
Your mind starts to fester and yelp
Leading you to that place at the brink

Thoughts of death savages your dreams
That’s the place where pain can’t survive
Or so you think, it gets to be that extreme
Living a life more dead than alive

Always giving that little glimmer of hope
Hold out just a bit longer they say
Months, then years pass and you feel a dope
To fall for that line again, day after day

If they only knew how it felt to be me
They would sure think differently
Not be so slow in giving what you need
To let them know of a life grown stagnant

Heart pounding I hear those words
“There’s no more that we can do, but…”
The tears start to roll and all is blurred
I finally get to have what I covet

I have no fear left in me that day
I’ve longed for this day to happen
As they wheel me in, a little prayer I say
“Guide his hands”…as sleep beckons

I awake to a familiar face above me
“It’s all over,” she says to this drunken mind
But it’s not…it was just the beginning
Swearing I’d never again be confined!

Dee © 2002/12/8

On January 9th I will celebrate the second anniversary of having both knees replaced. I developed osteoarthritis when I was 13 years old and was told when I turned 21 that I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was 30. Well, I toughed it out and made it to 43 before I was forced to be confined to that hateful piece of hardware. I was in that chair for two years...it seemed an eternity! Many, many years of physical therapy, drugs, injections, exercises and ANY thing in between that would help the pain and keep me walking I tried, till the day came that I had exhausted all other alternative therapy...short of surgery. The day I had prayer for had finally come and I don't regret one single day of that decision...I only wish it could have been done sooner, but things work out for a reason. I've managed to come back better than ever and have stunned even my doctors who thought I'd only have limited movement after years of atrophy. I can bicycle with my grandkids now, horseback ride again and even jog.....lol! Don't ever say NEVER.....coz it could happen. Love to all who know this pain....my prayers are with you. ~ Dee