If I Could Tell You, How I Feel: These are the words I would love to express

By Fran Lewis

After my sister left today from visiting my mom I decided to write this poem to let everyone out there know that I decided to learn about her illness and deal with it. I know that everyone loves vacations and so do I. I promised her before she got really ill that I would never put her in a home and would always make sure the home health aides that I worked so hard to get her would be there for her. The problem is that when a regular one takes off or gets sick someone (me) has to be there to make sure the replacement can handle her illness.

I saw your face and I could not remember your name
My memory is going and I am not to blame
When you look into my eyes, I see you there
However, all I can do is look straight at you and stare

I knew that you did not feel well by the way you looked at me
I know in my heart I would if I could find the right words you see
However, as you can tell I am no longer, as I was before
This brain of mine like it did anymore

When you came down to see me, you looked so very sad
You wanted me to tell you that everything was okay not so bad
I heard you say when I used to get these headaches you were there
With a cold cloth for my head and a hug that only, we would share

I do not know why this has happened to me
I try to remember something but nothing is the way it used to be
Without you, I know I would not be here at all
I realize the decision to keep me at home was your call

For that, I will always be grateful that you kept your word to me
Never to put me in a home where others think I should be
I will always be your mother no matter what just remember that and more
No matter what happens, you are the one I trust the most and only good things for you I hope are in store.

There are many who think leaving at home to live out my days
Was not the right decision in so many different ways
I realize that you have to give me my meds because you live so near
Remember that you are the one that I will always hold dear.

Vacations are few for you because of me
I know that you worry where my aides will be
Sometimes they do not come because they are ill
I know it makes it hard for you but leave me unattended you never will

Do not worry the best for you have yet to come
I heard you say you write books and then some
I hope someone publishes your third book Bertha Fights Back
That would make me so proud for writing you have a great knack.