My heart that beats
With every breath I take
With every move I make
My heart’
That always see what I want to see
Always feels what I want to feel
Oh’ My heart’
You made a heart that beats for you.
What a heart that you got inside of you,
A heart, that beats, only for you.
That heart who’ stays with you,
In your happiness, sorrows and remorse,
No matter how bad you feel
No matter how low you feel
Always there for you,
On your bad times and good times
My heart’
Always there, true to me
Honest with you, sincere with you
Never put you through a test,
To prove your worth, your honesty
Never measuring you,
Always loving you,
With all your good and bad
Always withy you
As long as My heart’ beats.
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"Heart beats"-Reminds me of two popular english songs---to be frank----"Every breath you take"-by POLICE and "We are the world" by various artists----the thought, the theme is great----but the rhythm was lost somewhere in between----
u have the talent----you can do much better
sincerely
georgee
This poem is clearly a heartfelt expression of loving devotion. Truly, the man is lucky, whose beloved thinks such of him.
If I may be permitted, I would suggest a slight re-wording in the following portion of your verse (my suggestions are in brackets):
"Oh’ My heart’
You made a heart that beats for you.
What a heart that you got inside of you,
[change to: What a heart you have inside of you,]
A heart, that beats, only for you.
That heart who’ stays with you,"
May I suggest my poems "Crystal Dreams" and "The Touch"...
Yours truly,
Hanley
Love from India (Coimbatore) - Joel -