Death is as close
as you perceive it.

I perceived Death, today,
a few seconds away. Death wasn’t
grimacing or bleeding, Death was peace.
From my mind. From … wondering
why I am alive, really; to what
purpose? If there is eternal life
out there, why am I here?

The curves of this desert mountain road,
through the Black Hills, have the sameness
of familiarity. I’d already seen
Death’s softened smile, had noted
it’s precipices bedecked with unearthly flowers.
Do you think suicide is an ugly word?
I used to. Now, I think it is a choice.
The horror is murdering as you suicide.
And the questions you leave to the living.

But, what if you just sailed off a cliff,
on your own? What if you felt a call?
What if … you didn’t know
reality from imagination, anymore?
What prices are paid in each circumstance?
Is there a gauge, a measurement,
of pain-to-be or pain-to-be-left?

I saw myself sailing over a cliff,
today, even as I felt my hand
turn the wheel to follow the road.

Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
© Copyright 7/20/04