(my fault, my fault, my fault… )

My 13 yr. old daughter’s rabbit
died in my arms, today.
Alec, I am sorry…
Good intentions gone haywire.
I’ve been lost in mourning
for hours.

(my fault… )

A failure to assimilate
the climate of desert’s day,
in September’s ‘dog’ waves of heat.
My hands are bloodied,
my mind puddled with self-accusations…
“why didn’t I check earlier?”

( … fault … )

A fly alights on my knee,
is aggravating me, so I snap at it
with my hand… And smear its blood
onto my skin, and into my soul.
Another death I helped create;
I frantically rub the red away,
physically, yet, it is there in my mind.

( lies within)

Too hot for rabbits in the sun
after shade loses it errant
culpability. I had errands to run.
Wasn’t aware the water bottle
had fallen off the cage, in the baking sun.
A quarter ‘til one, I stand at
the back screen door, seeing
the thermometer’s heat, realize
the rabbit is in the sun…

(Guilt is a mind killer… )

I go to check, view Alec prostate,
whip him out of the flaming cage
into living rooms cooling breeze…
too late, too late… I cuddle him
under my chin, lift his body
to cooler winds, too late.
Only five minutes pass and I feel
death’s spasms wracking us,
the heartbeat I felt with my ear
seconds ago is gone! Just … gone.
I shake him, calling his name. “Alec,
Alec,” I call in vain. I weep
with disbelief. This beautiful
pet, whose essence mingled with ours,
pants no more…

(my fault… )

He was a champion Jersey Wooly,
my daughter’s first, much beloved
by we, and he dies in my arms…
I yell, “No!” in my mind,
wipe his mouth and set it to mine,
I blow nothing but wishes into his lungs,
organs of his body already done
in. No breath could bring him alive.

(I helped kill this sweet rabbit… )

Sometimes, sunlight burns, not only lives,
but souls with no return. I will never grow
whole when my duplicity leaves stricken holes.
I’ve been weeping these several hours,
my soul in tatters, my mind in turmoil.
I hate myself, and temporary life
of this planet’s incorporated might…

(my fault, in the end.)

Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
© Copyright 9/14/04