Betrayed The Role I Played

I didn’t wake up strong one day,

The sea rose high, I couldn’t sway,

People dropped me, so I learned to stand,

With trembling knees and an open hand.

I showed up bleeding, but still upright,

Swallowed screams to keep things light,

And they stopped asking “How are you?”

Their only thought: she’ll make it through.

And that is what they leaned upon,

The silent force that carried on,

“The strong one,” praised for walking tall,

But no one saw me start to crawl.

I wasn’t trying to act like steel,

I just didn’t want the world to feel,

The wounds beneath my practiced smile,

Numb as hell, and in denial.

And strength became my only name,

A well known role, the survival game,

No softness came, no helping hand,

Just silent nods, “She’ll understand”.

And that’s how tired found its way,

For holding tight, no room to sway,

I wish I could fall, and still be held,

Not just admired for how I’ve dealt.

To break without the shame or glare,

To cry and know that someone care,

To speak my truth and take the fall,

And still be seen as worth it all.

Because strength is not the lack of pain,

It’s walking on through it, fire or rain,

For even rocks will crack with time,

And light can also lose its shine.

But when I speak, the silence grows,

They shift, unsure, as if it shows,

That I’ve betrayed the role I played,

When truth demands the mask be laid.

No, I’m not broken, I’m just real,

Honesty takes more strength to feel.

I don’t need rescue, nor applause,

Just someone who sees me without my cause.

 Cathrine Hottran 2025