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Susan K. de Vegter

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A Redneck Christmas
by Susan K. de Vegter → (All Poetry by Susan K. de Vegter)
   Rated "G" by the Author.
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T'was the eve down in Georgia ...magnolias complete
When the cadence of reindeer with padded hoof beats
Came trodding over steeples brushing the spires
To harken old hearts and put out old fires
Replenish the joys of rebels with souls
Restore faith for kids with wishes to hold
There was double wide homes with metal roofs
Plantations so old with their history
aloof
The homes on the marshes with piers out to heck
Then those of the cabins with red wooden decks
All for the hoofbeats so sturdy this year
To hold the big Redman and his redneck reindeer
He came all a' laden with dump trucks and go-carts
The kind with a horn and a zillion small parts
New reel for Big Daddy and the George Forman fryer
Tammy Fay lashes and the Ronco hair dryers
It's pleasures for "the Woman" like a new set of nails
It's waxes for surfboards and new canvas sails
The bogging machines with "mutha's of thunder"
Koalas for newbies from the land way down under
Its jasmine and cranberries, pumpkin and egg nog
Its helmets "shoot fire" for that old Harley Hog
Hoofbeats a ring'n with bells all a jolly
Then yelps from the thorns in butts from the holly
Santa so red faced and all full of cheer
His six-pack of Miller with his red neck reindeer
They ride low sometimes to cover more ground
And most of the time they don't make a sound
Big bubba Santa ..a chaw in each cheek
"Junior" the elf... well he just can't be beat
His gig is this Christmas with little pay
He subs in off-season on St. Patricks' Day
He's knee high and green with ears out to here
He chews and he races at Darlington next year
He's proud and like Santa, ain't no other like it
Christmas is Dixie Sleighing or bike'n
Us folks down south... well... we're all just rotten
Know what they say? We're step'n in High Cotton
That means for you yankees of Northern Aggression
You listen on up.... we have a confession
Christmas in Dixie ain't Broadway in lights
It's down home cook'n and families "real tight"
It's warmth that is different and tradition on labels
Like Chatham Artillary Punch for our table
Like re-enactments at forts and mist from the canons
Like hoop skirted ladies... banana curls dangling
The men all dressed out in contradicted norm
Those all in gray in their Reb uniforms
Its pride in the south there ain't nothin like it
So get here real quick, fly'n or bike'n
You guys up north... You're the last ones to know
Santas a Rebel and he don't like the snow
His preference is eating with folks full of cheer
He's one of us and so is his deer
We share him each time this season comes round
He likes his direction all southern bound
We loan him to you guys ...he's always "on call"
It's jolly Reb Santa... Merry Christmas to y'all


Copyright: Susan Kathryn de Vegter



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 Reviews of "A Redneck Christmas"
Reviewed by George Ellison (Reader)
Reviewed on December 1, 2009
Even a big city boy like me can recognize a redneck. Good humor.

Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on November 30, 2007
A bit oily [early] but definitely at little red in the neck.

Ron

Reviewed by Randall Barfield
Reviewed on November 27, 2007
Ha! He don't like the snow, eh? What are we gonna do? Change his outfit maybe. Cheers

Reviewed on November 26, 2007
It's about time someone told the truth, he wears grey under that red! thanks for the enlightenment, I see him flying across here now, flying south for the winter, back home! A riot Susan! Jasmin Horst

Reviewed by LadyJtalks LadyJzTalkZone (Reader)
Reviewed on November 26, 2007
how cute. Enjoyed this. Lady J

Reviewed by Kimmy Van Kooten
Reviewed on November 26, 2007
I got me a Redneck Santa here in Spuds, that's the next town over...
I dare not tempt him too close to here, for either the wolf packs will chew um' or our Buds will put their ole' Miller in a headlock and force him to pour out, his real kin!
LOL!
Gotta love them deer!
Love and Peace~
Kimmy~

Reviewed by jude forese
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
you're a rebel with a cause ... Santa Cause that is ;)

Reviewed by Kathy Armijo
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Sounds absolutely delightful. A Southern Christmas. Of course, the dog is a real redneck, or is that one of Santa's reindeer? lol

God bless you. Kathy

Reviewed by Pierre Ortega
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
A true southern Christmas I've never known, sounds like fun...

Love, Pierre

Reviewed by Felix Perry
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Tooooooooooooo funny Susan, and as I am Santa this year up here in NOva Scotia does that make me a red neck Rebel? If so hee haw, give me your street addie for I'm firing up the Ford Reindeer Truck and heading down for biscuits and beer and maybe some of that thar poon tang...lol

hugs
Santa Fee

Reviewed by Larry Lounsbury
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Sounds like Santa must have one Great rebel Christmas in such a warm festive place.Enjoyed

Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
i love the cleverness of this write

Reviewed by William Cryer (Reader)
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Fun! I always knew Santa had to be a redneck! And his reindeer are kickers! =D

Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Nice rendention of the classic, actually I know and so do you, that this is the <i/>real </i> spirit of Christmas . . . It promotes family, not just any family, but "tight" family, it takes a good-hearted laugh as who we were, we rednecks . . . And most of all it mists our eyes over at one brilliant enough to put this together . . . Thank yew, honey-chil . . .

Reviewed by Amber Moonstone
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Susan,
This is mighty clever, southern baby, so I guess I will have to settle for one of those Tammy Fay Lashes and ronco hair dryers. Love this!!!
Peace, Love, and Light,
Amber "V"

Reviewed by Barbara Smith
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Susan, there's much to like in this magnificent poem...the visions that ran through my head as I read it was unbelievable...full of great images and a truth of reality to the bones. This is such an exceptional & excellent write...I did like it a lot!!!

Reviewed by Ted Bossis
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
And I thought Santa & I were close~He never showed this side...Oh my goodness...evol*Ted

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Oh Tell Santa I need my sanity back......lol!!

Love Tinka

Reviewed on November 25, 2007
ADORable write, Susan; enjoyed this one! Merry CHRISTmas to you too!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D

Reviewed by Walt Hardester
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Le napier rouge...gotta love em.

Bubba...er...Walt

Reviewed by Mr. Ed
Reviewed on November 25, 2007
HO, Ho, HO! Indeed! And please tell good old Reb Santa that I'd like a Big Daddy Reel and George Foreman Fryer, too!

Reviewed on November 25, 2007
Ho, Ho, HO! I love this, Susan, yee-haww! Proud to be a redneck. :) LOL Enjoyed.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.


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