I don't remember what I did...
I only remember that the Mother was mad..
no not just mad..
Enraged... filled with hatred.
cold as steel..
I remember this .. I could feel..
I was maybe six..
In my Pajamas..
She told me to get in the car!!
I stood there frozen.. afraid to move..
Less I make her hit me.. or worse..
So I ignored her order..
When she screamed again..
Get in the car..
then she grabbed my hair..
Dragged me out to the old station wagon..
and threw me in..
As she went to close the door..
I tried to jump out..
I didn't know what was happening.
but I knew it would be bad..
really really bad..
She caught me before I reached the door..
by the hair again..
She dragged me in..
She started the car
then started to drive..
I didn't know where..
Then she started talking..
about bad little girls..
and where they end up in this world..
The streets were all dark..
with shadows in my mind..
Shadows of monsters..
that hide in the dark..
When Mom turned down the darkest street
I knew where her destination was..
Something she had threatened before
but had never done..
She was taking me to the grave yard to live..
To teach me a lesson..
this one night would give..
She pulled up to the big wrought iron fence..
by now I was screaming and fighting her ..
Fighting desperately to stay in the car...
Promising the
heaven and the earth..
Swearing to God
I would be the best little girl...
But my pleas were unheard
as she pulled me out..
lifted me over the rod iron fence..
and let me drop..
I screamed and screamed
as I watched her get back in the car..
Leaving me with the dark
and the tomb stones
and the dead and the ghosts..
Leaving me where
I would learn the most..
I don't remember much..
Just her lights growing dim in the dark..
and that I was cold and scared and alone..
Then somehow the rest is unknown..
I woke in the morning in my grandparents car..
My Grandmother complaining.. she had gone to far..
My Grandfather angry he had not had his first drink..
Thank God she called this morning my Grandmother said..
Watch yourself young lady..
one day you'll end up dead..
So I spent a few days at my Grandparents place..
Getting lost in the woods..
My favorite space..
I knew if I was lost..
then no else could find me either..
and that was what I wanted..
To just live in the woods..
I would make a bed under the trees..
the birch and the maple.. could keep me company
I could eat the berries..
and even knew of some apples
hidden behind a hill..
and then maybe somehow
someday..
someone who wanted a little girl..
would find their way
into my wooded world..
Maybe my father..
would come looking for me..
But I never even met him..
So I doubt it would be
but until then I could only be lost for a while..
dreaming of what it would be like
to somebody elses child
Eventually I always had to go back home..
Away from my precious woods I did roam.


Erica

It was one night.. I fell asleep against the fence.. I think.. that is where my Grandparents found me in the morning