Seeker Of Pain (poem) by Erica Ivory on AuthorsDen

Seeker Of Pain
by Erica Ivory → (All Poetry by Erica Ivory)

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I take the razor.. and slice my skin.. I watch the blade cut. but I don't feel a thing.. So I do it deeper.. again and again.. Pain seeker that I am. I take this lighter.. make a flame.. I hold it under metal.. Until the metal is one with the flame.. I close my eyes for a second.. then put the metal on my skin.. Watching it sink in.. I see it blister smell my flesh burn.. But it still does not cover this pain.. This pain from within.. Pain seeker that I am.. I see old scars from blades and burns.. Some lessons are never learned.. I know all this sounds insane.. Trying to end my life with one slice of a vein.. Ironically.. Death was not always my goal.. Most of the time it was to simply help me let go.. I need to feel the physical pain.. It helps to hide what is within.. The pain within is the worst by far.. Worse than razors.. worse than fire.. It is an eternal pain.. these memories and emotions won't let me be.. That is what drives me crazy.. Maybe insane.. After all I am The seeker of pain.. The me of the past.. See me.. the girl over there.. the one with bandaged arms.. strawberry hair.. The one with no face.. just a number.. She has no family She doesn't want friends.. She is just another girl in the system of warehoused children.. How those years continue to haunt me to this day.. Feeling so unwanted scared alone guilty and imprisoned.. For what .. she is never told why.. She is just a number.. a girl with no face and no name.. That child.. that girl.. that seeker of pain. ERICA
Me as a child.. and I guess a little of who I still am... At this time in my childhood very little mattered ..yet everything mattered..

Reviewed by richard poor

Reviewed on January 20, 2003

hey,this is a very sad statement,as children we cannot control or choose our lives,as adults we can write of them so others might know of a pain that exists,then and now.very good!!!

Reviewed by Sara Coslett

Reviewed on January 15, 2003

Erica, what I love about this one is that no matter what those who set up the circumstances that allowed you to live in pain did to you, you overcame it and are now able to give them the finger and say "I f***ing survived you a**holes".

Reviewed by na na (Reader)

Reviewed on January 14, 2003

You as a child and still pulled to that dramatic event. It is so hard to comfort you. To pull you away and put happier thoughts in your head. I know how you must relive what happened over and over.
BUT YOU MUST LOOK OUTWARD AND BUILD ON WHAT YOU SEE. YOUR HUSBAND YOUR FAMILY YOUR FRIENDS. OUTWARD AND UPWARD TO PRAY TO GOD FOR HELP AND WHATEVER OTHER HELP YOU CAN FIND. FIGHT IT ERICA. FIGHT IT. IT CAN BE DONE. bill murray

Reviewed by jude forese

deep emotions brought to the surface...

Reviewed by Lady Peg (Reader)

Erica,
this one is so heart touching
and the pain in the write.
~Tears
Peg

Reviewed by Josephine Bohen

so heart wrenching for "that child..that girl" and you. the "seeker of pain" still rings in my heart. well done Erica
josie

Reviewed by J John (Reader)

Its difficult for me to comment on this one.. my heart goes out to u .. :(( j