It makes me crazy
When I see pregnant ladies
Or cute cuddly little babies
Sometimes my heart gets tight
You know that feeling right there
In the center of your chest
Like a heavy burden under the weight of
Unbearable Grief
For some there is a sense of loss
When a precious child has died
For me it the loss of never having had a child
All those eggs had lived and then died

I’ll be honest sometimes after a day, a night or a week
With friends and their babies
I’ll crawl into bed, hug my pillow and just cry
You don’t know what it is like
To be around those little minds
To see them look at the world
Oh the joy when I can see them learn
Every moment of their lives filled with discovery
And those giggles are so infectious
But somehow they make me cry
To know that I’ll never get to teach my own
No one needing my help with the homework
No boo boos to mend
Just disappointment and emptiness
And then there is the feeling after having been sterilized
Like a hollow empty broken shell
Where all the kings horses
And all the kings men
Could never ever put me back together again

I suppose I could adopt
But that isn’t really for me
I was a fool thinking I always had plenty of time
Forgetting that eventually
Time would rear its ugly head
And show its brutality
Don’t ever trust time
I’m telling you it is not your friend
Because as soon as you think you can see the future
Suddenly it zips on by
Oops there it is in yesterday
So in case you don’t know it
I’ll tell you right here
The past is never quite as wonderful
As the future we thought dear

For all you ladies and gentlemen reading my story
I want you to know
That ambivalence is dangerous
It leads to disappointment in life
If you can read this then
You qualify
For doing what is so precious
Creating a life.

If those who can read, write and do arithmetic
Do what I did
Put off your opportunity to create an offspring
Then all of humanity we will have
A world bubbling over with
A huge ignorant morass
I realize this is an entirely different issue
But I thought I would tack it on here