Dying is such a huge responsibility
I'm not sure I'll even attend.

Will there be sad tears
or none at all;
or worse approbation
and the silence of the resentful
or will there be laughter and love.

Who will do my eulogy
and will it be someone
I would choose
or will it be some hated brother in law?

Dying is such a responsibility.

Will they dress me in dignified black
could I have a last cigarette
or a last run around the block?

Will I lay there
surrounded by hypocrites
who never lifted a finger in life to help
now tearfully they genuflect;

for some of them
I just might
reach out my hand
and slap a face
that would shake up the congregation.

But who would have to pay for the services?
Dying is expensive, at least 5,000 dollars or so
probably more.
Why waste all that money on
hungry worms?

Dying involves financial decisions

Who will attend my funeral
who will the pallbearers be?

Perhaps I will slink off to die alone
and save myself
and others a lot of trouble.

I think I rather leave a few bucks
and have the mourners have a party;
after all
who says a solemn mass
and boozing don't go together,
even Jesus
liked his wine.

So if I go
by disease, accident, lifestyle, or crash
it would be nice if I could get some help
with all that responsibility.

Wonder if I could get someone to die for me
and save me all the trouble;
It could happen.

You can get anything, I understand, for a price.

Besides who really wants to go to a funeral?
Me least of all
especially
if it is my own.