4% LYCRA


I never had trousers like them;
they stretched for a night of love
or a dance at the salsa class.
Man, I felt like a Jet,
Rod Stewart in his spandex days:
Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?

I washed them,
I washed them in the machine,
and the label specifically said
Handwash only. They didn't shrink.
No, they got longer, they stretched
from here to eternity.

Only fit for a tall boy now,
a long drink of water
like Hans Christian Andersen;
only fit for a Danny Long Legs,
only fit for a stick insect,
a beanpole, an elongated chap:

talk about the King's new clothes!