Can I press pause?
Just to breathe it in, look around?
Step out of the clock, leaving behind time
So I can sit and listen to her stories like she always listened to mine.
To ask how her day was rather than me babbling about my work
To sleep in her lap lulled by the pattern of her breathing
I don’t want time to disturb us or the race of this life to pull us apart
I don’t want to come home so tired that I forget to smile at her
I don’t….but I do every other day.
I forget that she drives me around as my personal chauffer
Arranges her day around my schedule
And in return what do I have to offer?
I come home and there’s food on the table
Clothes in my wardrobe
And my room spick and span
And all I do is shake my head
Call her crazy for buying me even more clothes
And for not letting my room stay as it was instead
But what I forget to do is thank her.
Or hug her for all the times she’s had my back
what I never realize is that she pressed pause,
On her life so mine could be on the fast track
She never looked at her watch or take out time for the flock
Because for her we never existed within the confines of a clock
In a world where success is counted by the hours you work
My success is the time I’ve spent making her laugh
‘Her tears of joy’ is how much I make in an hour
That shine in her eyes is my work bonus this year
She has stayed up enough nights for me
Waiting by the door in fear
No more will I let her sleep with her mind wide awake
Its time she presses play and not be in the back seat
Life will always be about numbers and who’s on top
And I will always be a part of this race
But I don’t want to win if I can’t set my own pace
I want to press pause so with her I can stay.
I don’t want to be the one
For whom regret proves stronger than love
I can’t let the nostalgia of the past
Or the promise of a future
Blur the vision of my present
I can’t let my mother feel like an extra in my life
When she is the main lead and I’m her apprentice
I don’t want time to dictate our meetings
Or let some secretary bring her in to see me
Nor a hug now and then in between briefings
I want to wish us in a timeless bubble
Existing outside the confines of time
TeeJay Khan©
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Ron
Good poem and well-express of your love for your mom!
Sandie