Once upon a time there was a widow and her son called Jack,

They lived on the street with hardly any clothes on there back.

"Son take my Bob Monkhouse CD’s to market and sell them" Said Mother,

"Cheer up Mum I’ll get work soon we wont bother."

"You have to Jack we need food right away,"

"All the jobs you have had never seem to pay."

So Jack took the CD’s to market and met a man,

Who wore the tea-shirt a true Monkhouse fan.

"Son I will exchange these magic beans for your CD’s?

I beg you now it’s a good deal," He said dropping to his knees.

So Jack exchanged goods skipping home to mum,

When she saw what he had done she tanned his bum.

Beans and insults chucked out into the street,

Jack went hungry still it was better than hearing the CD’s.

At daybreak Jack peered outside,

How amazing the beans had bloomed into a beanstalk ladder like.

So he climbed the stalk getting higher and higher,

Soon his little legs began to stutter and tire.

When he reached the top he spotted a sign saying Job Center One Hundred Yards,

Inside a castle with rusty looking bars.

Entering the castle Jack found a job as a Woodcutter,

Paid quite well, would bring in much needed bread-butter.

Suddenly a voice came out booming loud,

"Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum is that Jack who owes me a tidy sum?"

It was a loan shark he was trying to avoid up till now,

Jack had borrowed Betsy and hadn’t paid for the Cow.

Jack ran hiding behind a tall locker,

While the loan shark searched hoping he wouldn’t come a cropper.

His pursuer gave up sitting down at a desk.

Soon he snored fast asleep,

Bulging notes were visible from a pocket near his chest.

Jack tiptoed nearer removing the wad,

Counting his fortune he thanked almighty God.

Very softly he stole across the room, hurried away,

While the giants snoring thundered at bay.

Descending the beanstalk as quick as he could,

Jack explained his exploits to mother as quickly as he could.

Well the giant woke up with an inhuman roar,

Noticed his wad missing sprang to the door.

Descending the stalk Jack smelt he was coming,

Flatulence quakes were forever humming.

"Mother come quick" Cried Jack,

Bring me my trusted woodcutters axe.

Jack cut with all his might,

New job skills evident, blade had bite.

Darting away as the stalk came down,

A terrible crash the giant hit the ground.

So Jack and Mum were no longer poor,

Emigrating to the Caribbean hiring a boat of shore.

An inquiring mind and enterprise,

Elevated Jack and mother to envious eyes.