A hundred and ten miles on a bike,
Is no small feat for a tyke.
My calves and thighs were beyond sore;
And the blisters did break and pour.

At last, the destination reached,
I dropped to the ground and rested.
No more energy could be leached;
My endurance had been severely tested.

On that mountain, no one was around;
And so my slumber was quite sound.
To sit up the next morning, I had to strain;
Every movement evoked excruciating pain.

Now it was time to contemplate—
What else, but the return trip.
Cookies, hotdogs, and chocolate I ate—
Until I thought my stomach would rip.

My body refueled, I started out once more,
Instead of south, this time to the north.
In spite of every muscle aching to the core,
I renewed my determination and pressed forth.

After just a few miles along my route,
I remembered a short-cut I was told about.
The man had said it would save many a mile,
So I veered off my path with a great big smile.

Yes, it was shorter, but up and up I went;
I was out of breath and nearly spent.
Near the top, I had to stop and walk;
A chore it would have been just to talk.

Finally—at last—the summit I found;
The sight before me did astound.
This mighty hill coursed steeply down;
I jumped on my bike and left the crown.

For a while, I just coasted;
"A welcome rest," I boasted.
Then I leaned forward and gathered speed,
In eighth gear, I pedaled like a demon, indeed.

At fifty, I passed a Volkswagen Bug;
The driver gawked, his look was amazed.
Encouraged by the look on his mug,
I dropped into tenth gear as he gazed.

I had never experienced such a thrill,
As I did coming down that sheer hill.
The scenery flashed by like spears,
And the wind dashed past my ears.

I speculated that I was doing sixty-five,
Who knows—my speedometer was pegged.
Then, in horror, I saw the bottom of the drive;
"Slow down, slow down," I begged.

The road before me turned ninety degrees!
And I was still zooming past the trees.
Squeezing the brakes, my future was grim—
The rubber was melting onto the rim.

On the road, I dragged my tennis shoes;
This was certainly going to be bad news.
All my efforts to decrease my speed—
Were a folly, wasted and futile, indeed.

At this velocity, I couldn’t make such a curve,
So I upped my attempts to slow down.
Left and right, I began to swerve;
The man behind surely thought me a clown.

Scared as hell, my mind was a scramble;
I’d have to shoot into the bushes and bramble.
I scanned the forest for the softest crash;
A big tree would turn my skull into mash.

I left the road like a bolt of lightning;
Nothing in my life had ever been so frightening.
A leafy branch nearly knocked me out;
And a prickly bush shredded my jeans like kraut.

Favorably, the bicycle gods looked upon me—
Placing a sapling between the pedal and my frame.
Instead of at once, it broke my speed rather slowly.
Within ten feet, from sixty to a stop I came.

Newton’s laws of physics that defied;
To my body, centrifugal force applied.
Like a catapult, I left my seat;
Against my tummy, my handlebars did meet.

Into the forest, I continued my journey;
Some forty or fifty feet I flew.
The guy in the Bug knew I’d need a gurney;
He figured my days were through.

Bashing the handlebars left me no air;
All I could do was lay there and stare.
Now a small crowd began to mill—
As my lungs struggled to fill.

My first breath of air, a hiccup it resembled;
The fellow in the Bug, and others, did cheer.
"He’s alive! He’s alive!" shouted the assembled.
I sat up and asked, "Anybody got a beer?"