“Hiding in my Sea Shell”

To cry the self to sleep,

To do so upon awake as well,

What a life to lead, better to hide in a shell,

Was much better off before I went back to work,

Could hide in my camper, my rolling shell, with no bell,

To hear prior to going out and facing the world…

Could be alone, always worried that someone might,

Come near and violate my private space, so dear,

Yes, fear, fear and more fear, did keep me in my place,

Never to venture out without hiding behind my face,

All my never-ending fears,

The tears that I spoken of in past,

As well as all those fears that may be my last…

I love Rene’ & Rufuz so,

But find if I really love them,

Maybe I should allow them “their” freedom,

To be with whom they will be better off,

Rather than this scared, fearful, teary eyed,

Little boy in an adult’s body,

But I suppose I will just my time, bide,

And do, as I will to completely abide,

But prior to making Rene my bride,

She will have to be told & pre-warned,

What she is getting herself into,

May bring on in her own self, scorn…

Rufuz could go with his Uncle S & Auntie b,

As he loves them both as much as he loves me,

I would sorely miss him, as I suppose he will with me,

But it might be for his own good as S & b may both be,

Better off with him there than with me…

But all this is just conjecture till I truly get to the point,

Of being able to complete this plan & draw it up,

And print it out right down to the minutest detail,

But be advised that this right now is only my most recent viewpoint,

Things can change, as time goes on, so don’t expect me to appoint,

Anyone my executor or executrix anytime too soon…

These feelings I have felt in the past,

And they rarely last,

They go away pretty damn fast,

Once I get to get some sleep & feel somewhat better,

Towards the world in
                                 general...

                                        (ed)