Along the border or the fringes or the world.

A lot of times it feels like I’m an outlier. Not just an outsider. Far from that. Beyond the simple periphery. It isn’t too hard for me to explain actually. It’s like this, the people I admire began from similar origins. Yet their words are repeated across lips with an echo. And I can never quite echo a word of anyone. It is not because I am original. It feels more like I can’t stand under their shadow.
When the wandering man tells me his story I realize I know him. But when I tell him my story in return. I can’t quite seem to know myself. Yes, the ending or climax to my tale has yet to be written. But it feels like I’m expecting something that will never come. Childhood dreams and fairytales fill my head. While reality fades away. My future is at my fingertips. All I have to do is grab it by the handful. But my hands are full.

For me the options are not one step forward or three steps back. But the fact that I keep cycling. Keep cycling along this track. Why is that you might ask? If I knew the answer. I’d have a solution don’t you think. I am trapped under the weight of my own ego and shame. I tried to rise to my station and to live up to a name that I dreamt of. One day people would know me. One day my name would echo along no longer an outlier, no longer an outsider.

But I don’t think that day will ever come. Not because I didn’t try but reality states that there are some people that are meant to lose. For others to succeed. And my minds wanders around looking at those in the distance. And I understand. Their feet stand surer than mine. Their voices carry further and are louder than mine. Their hearts beat stronger than mine. Their success isn’t mine. That finish line is not mine.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the outsider’s outlier. Away from the people who are away. One step forward three steps back. I’ll just keep walking. Just keep walking along my track.