Written by Misti

"the word 'rapist' is inside 'therapist',"
i said out of nowhere
he doesn't understand
he has no idea what
it feels like
having your deepest fears
and age old hurts
placed on a table
and examined
scrutinized
analyzed
for one hour
each week

at least now
I can get through
the hour
without a box
of Kleenex
in my lap
crying as I recall
what it felt like
to be four years old
and despised
by my father

Daddy is oblivious, by the way
I love how he flew into town
for a few days
and bought me Mexican food and beer
and turquoise jewelry
I told him about the Sunday
I washed some pills down
with Jack Daniels
he told me sunshine & swimming
would be
excellent therapy

but yeah
the word "rapist"
is in "therapist"
and it doesn't
feel good
at all
having a wounded psyche
forced into
the light

there have been many therapists
this latest therapist
tells me to write the story
of my life, put all my poems
in a book, keep a daily journal
and attend AA meetings

"I don't think I'm an alcoholic," I say
she asks me to define "alcoholic"
and I tell her
"someone who drinks everyday"
but that is
incorrect

so I'm a majorly depressed
alcoholic in denial
getting by on 300 milligrams
of Wellbutrin
and 5 grams of Zyprexa
a day

time to go
for a swim