All I have left
Are these fantasies and sighs,
A bit of silver,
Little white lies, and a mind full of hope
That hinges on every non-descript message.
I try to walk away,
I try to banish you from my thoughts;
In my dreams you return,
A dismal specter in mourning--
Haunted by desires, by needs and intensity.
You deny us both.

How am I to go on alone?
A glimpse of Heaven revoked by sheer will.
Tortuous beast! How will I ever love again?
Tell me not to balk, tell me to survive--
I am surviving, suffering in this prison, this life,
Without you.
Toss me a bone, a short note of affection,
Into my cell while you walk your rounds
Mumbling your vows, reciting the commandments…
“Thou shalt not…”
My Murdering Mad Man, my Precious Saint.

*

This poem appears in my collection "Immortality Lives...Embracing Poetry in a New Age." It is part of the chapter titled "Eternal Longing."