I wanted to agree with Fritz at first, and then I reread several time. I like the broken cadence of this piece. It has more impact as written. Good thoughts and arrangement. ~E
Ron, I'm having trouble with the rhythm. I'm not a stickler for syllable counts (you'll see that in my own poems) but with the shorter lines, to me, staying with a patter becomes more important.
I invite you to read some of my work and leave your most honest feedback, as well.
The Free Preview includes excerpts only. The full print edition is available from Barnes and Noble. Both the print and electronic editions are available from the publisher's Web site ("Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited").
The Narcis
This book summarizes life's ten toughest tests with ten passwords each to pass these tests. The current overload, speed of change and chaos are all summarized well enough to get to the Land of Simple on the other side quicker than usual.
I invite you to read some of my work and leave your most honest feedback, as well.
~~michael~~
Gina
NotReallyJack