How much do we REALLY know about this Santa Claus guy?

I'm going to Google Santa Claus.
I'm going to Google him because
He does a lot of kinky stuff
that common sense forbids.
The hat, the sleigh, the biker beard
All strike me as a little weird.
I want to check him out before
I let him near the kids.

I'm going to Google Santa Claus.
His gay apparel gives me pause.
I'll find out what he smokes
and if he used to be a dame.
I want to know what kind of guy
Goes mushing reindeer through the sky.
I want to know what Vixen did
to earn that kind of name!

And so I'll Google old Saint Nick
And find out just what makes him tick.
I'll search his background thoroughly
and learn his every vice.
Old Santa's in the hot seat now.
He's had it coming anyhow.
It's time we knew for certain
if he's naughty or he's nice!




(written by Scott Emmons*)