The old work week starts tomorrow and I know you want to be sharp and ready for anything that comes up. Here are some little cuties I picked off the internet.
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1. I see your point, but I still think you're full of it. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. 6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... 8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. 10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again... 11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. 14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks! 20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...? 24. Do I look like a people person? 25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 36. Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done. 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
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Reviews of "Internet Gleanings IX, Office Zingers"
This is no Office but still wanted to share this with you.....hehehehe''''lol!!
A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just
like he did his employees.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked
into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use
an
oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled
over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,
"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get
back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under
his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After
almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever
seen someone having their temperature taken before?"
After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a
daffodil!"
Farctured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II satirizes popular children's stories into adult-oriented renditions. FFFF &FF, Part II is also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble e-book formats.
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A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just
like he did his employees.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked
into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use
an
oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled
over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,
"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get
back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under
his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After
almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever
seen someone having their temperature taken before?"
After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a
daffodil!"
Reindeer
This is excellent!
But I do not want to return
to the cubicle
tommorrow. {Smiles}
Enjoyed your quotes......
Sandie Angel :o) a.k.a. May Lu $*_*$
i've gotta save this one this one is DEFINATELY a keeper LM*OROTFLM*O some more
how do i set a laser printer to stun LOL all of em are priceless LOLOLOLOLOL
thanks--i needed this today
well done *whistling STANDING OVATION whoo-hoooooooooooooooooooooo*
encore encore
(((HUGS))) and love,
karla. :) *HUGE grins*
-Bear