I've only just recently
Learned to flirt
But only when safely hidden
Behind a keyboard
And a screen.
What other girls learned
At their fathers' knees
And perfected
With boys,
Then men,
I remained ignorant of
For many years.
Stymied by shyness,
An awareness of
My every physical flaw,
Not to mention
A compunction
For straight shooting
And a refusal of game playing,
I was clumsy
And often humiliated
By my efforts
To show my attraction,
So those efforts ceased
While I tried to cultivate
A sort of “neuter” image.
Eventually, however,
My femininity resurfaced
And, tired of squelching it,
I struggled
To allow it it's freedom
Without subjecting myself
To the derision of a world
Who saw less than a woman
In me.
Slowly, in time,
I became more comfortable
With that aspect of myself,
Welcomed her, in fact,
And began to enjoy
All the girly things
I had secretly coveted.
Now, I wonder,
Am I ready
To take the next step?
To move beyond the keyboard
And the screen?
My polished toes
Reach tentatively
Toward the inviting waters.
When will I summon the nerve
To submerge myself there?
And who will I allow to catch me
When I finally
Jump?

c. October 9, 2016