Our time together
Was heartbreakingly brief,
A lifetime distilled into
A few short weeks;
Hours spent
Learning each other,
Who we are,
What we think,
How we feel;
We shared a connection that
Was growing richer,
Stronger,
Showing ever more
Promise.
But then
Reality intruded-
My reality:
My fears,
My anxieties,
My conviction that
No one could possibly
Feel for me
What you professed
To feel.
When your proposal came
I was shattered by my despair
And I drove you away,
Ready to hurt myself first,
Anticipating your abandonment
With no true cause
To do so.
And now here I am
Missing you,
Mourning the loss
For which I have
No one to blame
But myself;
Wishing with all my heart
I could just go back
And make it right
Again.
That was interesting. I believe it happens more often one would think. I hope it wasn't personal, because it was, there is no taking back a bad decision and regret can nag on for very long time.
We often have regrets such as this. I remember someone who was very kind to me but was a lot older than I was. We were very good friends. When he brought his mother to meet me, ready to propose to me I chickened out and didn't want to meet him nor his mother. It was kind of rude on my part. Years later, after I've got married to my husband and I saw him again in the street and he looked really well. I often wondered what my life would have been like if I were the one who had married him. But then again, I loved my husband, and I would not change anything.
Except for death, marriage, or insanity--and assuming your words arise from the tank of reality--what's to stop you from calling, writing, or walking across the street to see if the flame is still a two-way affair? You never know what you may discover...?
Regret is perhaps something to be avoided, and yet it is still there, we all feel it over one thing or another, whatever our mistakes, my regret in lost love is most painful, as is apparent in this poem.
The e-book version of Sam Vaknin's "Malignant Self - Love - Narcissism Revisited". Contains the entire text: essays, frequently asked questions and
appendices regarding pathological narcissism and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
A book-length psychodynamic study of pathological narcissism, relationships
with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, using a new vocabulary.
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