united states air force
lackland air force base
san antonio texas
basic military training squadron
bmts squadron 77
flight w-023
1983
last week of basic
*can't believe i've made it this far*
it's nearly over
next week is graduation
when you can say
adios bmts adios t.i.'s
hello new adventure
better not get too confident
'cause the t.i.
will dress you down
in a heartbeat
when you least expect it
AIRMAN
whaddaya think yer doin'
give me a 341
on the double
moveitmoveitmoveit
i didn't say yestiddy
NOW
341's are discrepancy reports
little pieces of paper
designed to fit in your pocket
must have 3 of them
on you
at all times
if you screw up
the t.i. can pull one
if you do good
the t.i. can pull one
never know if you've been good or bad
*so be good for goodness' sake*
HA
too many and you get
recycled sent back
sometimes to the
very
first
day
and gotta go through
basic
all
over
again
you don't wanna screw up
well one afternoon i was
dorm guard
guarding my flight my group of girls
doing walk arounds
every 15 minutes
making sure no one got in
that wasn't supposed to
no one got out
that wasn't supposed to
making sure there were
no fires
or other hazards
to endanger the flight
the rest of the time
i stand at the door
guarding the dorm
against enemies
foreign
and
domestic
a 2d lieutenant
a 2d louie
butterbar
wants admission
can't let her in unless
her name's on my list
she demands to enter
check my list she ain't on it
*nope no can do*
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
i need to see your ddform214 ma'am
military i.d.
she holds up her driver's license
upsidedown
let me in let me in
the butterbar roars
doing her best big bad wolf imitation
*not by the hair of my chinny chin chin*
i don't say it
but i'm sure thinkin' it
HA
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
you are not on my list
that is not your ddform214
that is your driver's license
and it's from maryland
i say it kinda snotty
didn't mean to
it just kinda happened
*the nerve of her
tryin' to pull a fast one on me*
you cannot come in MA'AM
AIRman
tsgt hallie a vardell
my t.i.
shouts LET ER IN
MA'AM
flight attenHUT
'cause she's an officer
the butterbar demands a 341
i give it to her
she writes on the front
turns it over
and continues on the back
yer t.i.'s gonna wanna see this
*my a** is grass
and the t.i.'s the lawnmower*
then i hear typing
you NEVER hear typing
unless you're being
recycled
ohdangohcrud
the butterbar's fixin' to leave
flight attenHUT
pop the door let her out
then i hear AIRMAN
git in here
NOW
find someone to cover my duty
git in there
NOW
knock three times
any more she calls you a woodpecker
three times
not once not twice not four
three
t.i. says enter
i snap to attenHUT in front of her
whip a snappy salute
*the best i've ever done*
and say
airman vidra reports
as ordered
MA'AM
at ease
siddown
*ohdangohcrud*
gotta smoke
ma'am airman vidra reports yes ma'am
gimme one
ma'am
gimme one you light one up too
the one and only time i
disobeyed an order
is when the t.i. told me light up
we were expressly forbidden to smoke
in the dormitory
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered i will give you a smoke
but i will not smoke MA'AM
why not i said you could
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered we are forbidden to smoke
in the dorms ma'am i will not smoke
okaaaaayyyyyyyy
i'm sweatin' bullets
t.i. hands me my 341
and proceeds to resume
typing
i say ma'am airman vidra reports
may i be honest with you
yes
ma'am airman vidra reports
i'mscaredtodeath to read it
read it anyway
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
*gulp*
ma'am
i read it
excellent well done performed well
the only thing wrong
snotty attitude about maryland
HA
ma'am airman vidra reports
may i ask you one more thing
yes
ma'am airman vidra reports
what are you typing
she pulls the sheet of paper out
hallie a vardell
hallie a vardell
hallie a vardell
over and over and over again
that's it
gitouttahere NOW
*whheeewwwww*
i stand up snap to attenHUT
whip another snappy salute
*that was good, too*
grin like an idiot
about face
march out of the t.i.'s den
left right left
and proceed to let the biggest yell
i've ever yelled in my life
yeeeeeHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
AIRMAN
MA'AM
CAN you git any more enthusiastic
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
HELL YEAH
*i made it*
whoo-hoooooooooooooooooooooo