Rhymes

1. Cats kill rats, flowers will bloom

            I stay home nights, alone in my room.

2. She says I'm strange,

    You want me to change?

     You should talk, look how you walk!

3. I write my songs at Burger King

(used to, I'm vegetarian now!)

     I waste my time, but at least I sing (flat!)

    Dad agrees I'm wasting time,

    But, I always rhyme, mom says it's fine.

[of course my parents are dead, and I didn't always rhyme - in fact, that's crap!]

4. He's a big-shot, he talks lots & lots,

    He's got a wife though - she's tied in knots.

   I'm a small fry, I usually cry -

   I'm real honest though; I never lie.

   I said your fat (I never lie!)

5. I'm a genius, I've known since I was one

    Trouble is: I never get anything done

    Chances are I'll never finish this song

    I've got the right words, but the tune is wrong.

6. Pretty girls I never get

    Plain ones I never want,

    Having none is a safer bet,

    Waste my time, reading Kant.

7. My "listeners" are beginning to complain

[I didn't know I had any!]

    I seek for rhymes I rack my brain,

   I move along the words get tougher,

   My mind is blank, it's getting rougher.

8. I've lost the beat, I'm not so witty

    Peopleve said, your songs are ( )hitty

   It doesn't matter some will say, if you give 'em ( )hit

   As long as you include at least one hit!

9. This idea is childish and misanthropic

    Get the dictionary and try under "T"

    I need to find a suitable topic

    Lack of style is not for me.

10. Keep away from words ending in -ism

     and try the ones that have a -tion or -sion

     Now don't start creating all this confusion

     We haven't even gotten near the conclusion.

11. You need more variety - now your a good musician

     You worked for years "not" to attain a position(!)

     Still too easy, so let's try words like "meticulous"

     Be careful - I'm getting tired, this is ridiculous.

12. This verse is superfluous (which means "more than necessary")

     Very supererogatory (meaning: highly unnecessary)

     Next verse is also extra or supernumerary,

     And superscribed over it, is that which supersede's it.

13. And this recalcitrant recapitulation,

     Which is redundant and offers no restitution (egads!)

     Is that my repetition makes no reparation (so sorry!)

14. But: since you can't end on #13, Verse fourteen

     will be similar to verse #1 when I'm done:

(chorus)> Cats kill rats, Birds fly -

            Be yourself, never lie!

Some people get fat, I'll never get like that.

Don't be nervous, just act nornal -

But now I'm self-conscious, I feel either stupid or too formal:

            Fish swim

            Monkeys climb

            Now I'm done (gratefully!)

            It's been fun (I think(?)... I "rhyme"(??!)... therefore "I am")

c. Michael Guy, sometime in 1985

3/2/2008 edited along the way with silly comments!