After our foray into forbidden territory the harsh light of dawn has awakened my thoughts and like bats after a nocturnal frenzy of feeding they flee back to their dark abode and with them my short-lived false sense of self-assurance and well-being and I worry that I might not be able to wait for another night of forgetfulness to bring them back
Since this poem has no punctuation I am assuming it should be read pausing at the end of each line. If I do that then the flow isn't smooth for me due to the formatting of the lines. I am tempted to structure the lines as such...
After our foray
into forbidden territory
the harsh light of dawn
has awakened my thoughts
and like bats
after a nocturnal frenzy of feeding
they flee
back to their dark abode
and with them
my short-lived false sense
of self-assurance and well-being
and I worry that I
might not be able to wait
for another night of forgetfulness
to bring them back
Doing that and reading the poem with a pause at the end of each line makes it flow better in my opinion.
Unless it is not meant to be read pausing at the end of each line. But then without punctuation how does one know where to pause if not at the end of each line.
I admire your honesty Regis! A very interesting write too, continue to share your gift! Be encouraged and may the Lord bless you with His presence and His peace!
Much Love,
Margaret
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader)
Reviewed on August 28, 2009
Anticipation Regis. Tough one indeed. Nice work. Really enjoying perusing your stuff.
Regis,
I now understand why I am so hooked on reading your verses. You are a master at evoking really sad emotions. I on the other, though not a master like you evokes good feelings. This was the only way I was able to survive the many emotional and physical abuses I was subjected to as a child. I was and to some degree still is a dreamer. I will read all of your poems because they are evoking some feelings that have been kept dormant too many years. Thank you for the ride.
Nicole
This is a very powerful piece. We never truly know how our partner feels about us. It is that unknown that fuels many of these bat thoughts. Very well done.
hey Regis, when I first read the title, my first thought was my mother in law twice, (1)old mean bat (2) WITH A BAT. Anyway spooky good write. Glad you wasn't batting after anyone, as in Louisville slugger. cheers G
Reviewed by Sheila Jones (Reader)
Reviewed on February 15, 2004
Strong imagery, a most excellent piece, Regis!
Beautifully written!
Cool poem - Love your work! I use to live by a home that had thousands of bats and they are such interesting little creatures.
We never had mosquitos until the home became condemned and the bats boarded out. The idea of thoughts like bats after a nocturnal frenzy of feeding in forbidden territory was so original and fun!
Reviewed by Katy Walsvik (Reader)
Reviewed on February 15, 2004
Who of us doesn't recognize the night as a kind of cloak... but you take the mind further here.. your visuals are vivid, your night/day comparison stark and so honest. Cool piece, REgis! katy xox.
Reviewed by Andrea Da Costa (Reader)
Reviewed on February 15, 2004
Quite a haunting poem with strong imagery
Well done!
I love the night! Someday (somenight?) I'll return to my old nocturnal ways and forget exactly what the sun looks like and all that it reveals. Very nice piece...bats are so cool!
This is a book of free verse poetry that addresses the seven main tests in life and offers some sensible solutions to passing those tests with minimal discomfort.
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After our foray
into forbidden territory
the harsh light of dawn
has awakened my thoughts
and like bats
after a nocturnal frenzy of feeding
they flee
back to their dark abode
and with them
my short-lived false sense
of self-assurance and well-being
and I worry that I
might not be able to wait
for another night of forgetfulness
to bring them back
Doing that and reading the poem with a pause at the end of each line makes it flow better in my opinion.
Unless it is not meant to be read pausing at the end of each line. But then without punctuation how does one know where to pause if not at the end of each line.
Much Love,
Margaret
I now understand why I am so hooked on reading your verses. You are a master at evoking really sad emotions. I on the other, though not a master like you evokes good feelings. This was the only way I was able to survive the many emotional and physical abuses I was subjected to as a child. I was and to some degree still is a dreamer. I will read all of your poems because they are evoking some feelings that have been kept dormant too many years. Thank you for the ride.
Nicole
'Painted' by the hand of a master poet . . . thank you for sharing!
Best regards,
Lance
is Expressed Very Nicely In This Piece
Love & Hugs
Vickie
Best wishes,
Mary
Janet
Love & Light
Laura
~*~*~*~ Love, Shivani ~*~*~*~
♫ Jackie
Karen
~Chrissie
I do enjoy your work!!!
Trixie :)
of all the bats I have in my belfry...LOL...cloris
:)Sandy
"Bat Thoughts" a pleasure to read,
the alluring imagery is also unique!
Thank you for sharing.
Gwendolyn
(. . . I hope.) LOL
Seriously, this poem has wings.
blessin's Reg/is
cynth'ya
Very enticing and alluring. Well done...
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Beautifully written!
Love, Sheila
incredible. Very creative work!Thanks for sharing;-)
We never had mosquitos until the home became condemned and the bats boarded out. The idea of thoughts like bats after a nocturnal frenzy of feeding in forbidden territory was so original and fun!
Well done!
Andrea
Must say I don't like bats...they are full of goggo's!!
Love Tinka
~ May / Sandie ~
Loved this
Your Virgina Friend, *Linda*
Nancy
Peg
Reindeer
When in the dark of nights foray
What pleasures face we do portray
Such wily warlocks seeks the sky
With moments thought, alone may I.
I love watching, the Bats at night, they are so harmless.
You have some good metaphors
Hesione Rhadamanthus.
Jill :)
Jim.